#very determined to finish this podcast because of how it did so much to my brain like throughout highschool.

[laikamaeris]

look who has almost caught up again. laikamaeris .com posting drawings

[wouldntyou-liketoknow]

I'd Like to Adopt These Side Characters, Please (And Also Make One Arbitrarily To Appease The Vibes)

So, I've already mentioned my plans to write something for our dear single-minute-of-screentime-boys from the FNAF movie. And, as per usual for me, posting some headcanons will help the ideas flow for that WIP. . .

___

Jack Samar

His passengers always are, in fact, "the weirdos." It just seems to happen without fail. College partygoers crashing down from adrenaline (among other things) highs, random drifters that could all probably be in the same cult if you pay attention to detail, that one guy who's all too happy to take advantage of the open secret that the ducks in the park are free. . .Most of the time, it's nothing too serious. But he's still got some very interesting stories here and there.

He's one of the best drivers in town. And that's not just due to his job as a cabbie; he knows how dangerous driving can be, so he takes pride in making sure his skills are sharp. (Seriously, if you've ever driven a car, then you know it's practically a miracle to see someone else on the road who actually knows what they're doing.)

He has a steel-trap memory; he knows every part of town like the back of his hand. Constantly driving on various routes just has that effect on you.

He's a bit of a rescuer. As in, if he happens to see a stray animal while driving, then he'll park, coax said animal into the car, and then drop it off at at the local shelter. If you have him drive you from Point A to Point B, there's a good chance you'll spot a scruffy-looking cat or dog riding shotgun.

If he isn't too tired at the end of his shifts, he'll drive over to Sparky's for a late-night snack before heading home to rest. Both he and Ness are good listeners, so a decent chunk their banter is dedicated to venting about sucky patrons.

He's certainly aware of Freddy Fazbear's Pizzaria, as well as the rumors surrounding it, but he never really bothered with the place. And he doesn't plan to start bothering with it after seeing Golden Freddy in the back of his taxi.

Although. . .well, that occurrence might have made him start weighing the pros and cons of trying to get more information out of Mason. (He's very much hesitant about it, of course. Yeah, he was the one to help Mason out, but the assumption of Mason's experience with Freddy's is still far from pleasant.)

(Yes, his name is a pun inspired by Cory's samurai joke. What did you expect from me?)

___

Ness Aeoruhndbt-Ultendera

"Ness" is only his nickname, but he doesn't plan on revealing his full name anytime soon. Not even to his friends, for whatever reason. There's also a bit of an inside joke about how his surname is too long to actually fit on his nametag. (Yes, that gibberish my personal idea for his surname. I spent way more time working on it than I probably should have because I was determined to make a weird/funny reference, so leave me alone, okay?!)

He's been in the restaurant business ever since he was a kid; he's worked in several different joints before Sparky's. Coming from a family of foodies, he truly enjoys what he does, no matter how small-scale. Sure, some days are worse than others, but that's just life.

Similarly to Jack, it's not that uncommon for him to serve some strange characters. (Hell, sometimes the strange characters in question will wave down Jack's cab right after they've finished their meal at Sparky's.) Nothing usually comes of it, but he's still more than observant enough to pick up on certain oddities.

He makes a genuine effort to be polite and outgoing with customers. But make no mistake, he absolutely can, has, and will verbally curb-stomp someone if they push him or his coworkers too far. (Aunt Jane was lucky that her jab was minor. Plus, Ness just had other customers to focus on.)

It's no surprise that he LOVES conspiracy theories. Now, he knows which crackpot rabbit-holes to avoid, but he's still the type to listen to true crime podcasts almost religiously. In a way, researching and brainstorming is a comfort to him.

He's actually developed legitimate friendships with a specific few of Sparky's regulars. (Jack and Mason are part of this camp.) In fact, if there aren't many other customers that need tending to, he'll sit down and chat with them while they eat.

While he's perky during the day, he's still a night owl. It helps that his regular-friends almost always stop by in the late hours. (This has also paved the way for him to become a bit of a coffee-addict, but not to the point of concern. Speaking of which: he takes great joy in people's reactions to his argument that coffee is actually a type of soup.)

Oh, and that rubber-chicken-head-pencil-topper? Its name is Fabio, and Ness has been carrying it for several years now. He can't remember where/when/how he came into possession of Fabio, but you can pry it from his cold, dead hands.

___

Mason Kingsley

I wasn't originally planning to make a technical fanego for the FNAF movie. But after I learned that Mark was intended to make a cameo, I was intrigued. Thus, Mason—aka Trauma Boi—was born. His inclusion here (and in that future story I mentioned) is basically just a "What if?" scenario. As in, A. What if Mark had actually played the role of that first nightguard in the movie, and B. what if he'd actually survived his ordeal at Freddy's. . .?

Please read "survived," as "escaped by the skin of his teeth with grievous injuries and is now sort of dead inside."

Fittingly enough, Jack happened to by passing by when Mason fled the restaurant. It's pretty damn easy to stop for a guy who's covered in blood and cradling a broken arm and screaming for help.

After Jack drove Mason to the hospital, the two of them made an effort to stay in touch. Their respective patronage to Sparky's helps out with that.

Time passed, as it tends to do, and Mason eventually recovered. Keep in mind that the recovery was physical; he's still having night-terrors about animatronic monsters. Just the mention of Freddy Fazbear's Pizzaria will make him start shaking and murmuring under his breath, pale and tense.

He absolutely refuses to talk about the incident in detail, but it left some very obvious scars on his neck, chest, and arms. He's constantly trying to keep said scars covered.

Silver lining: shortly after recovering, Mason was able to adopt a therapy pet. Enter Checkers, a golden retriever who's just the best emotionally-tuned girl and is always by his side.

He stops by Sparky's for dinner once or twice per week. He wasn't too receptive to Ness' chitchat at first, but by now they have a solid friendship. (It started when Ness "accidentally" brought out a large side of bacon with Mason's order. Checkers most certainly appreciated that, so it's become a small tradition between them.)

(And just to clarify, because I KNOW someone is gonna read this and take it the wrong way: I'm NOT using this to try and whine about Mark's absence in the movie. It's really not too hard to understand that his own Iron Lung project has kept him INCREDIBLY BUSY. It's an amazing accomplishment for him, so of course it should take priority over a cameo in FNAF.)

___

@sammys-magical-au @that-bat @bee-the-matpat-simp @insane4fandoms

[ghost-in-the-corner]

I just finished the Magnus Archives for the first time, and I'm just gonna get my thoughts out

When I started the podcast back in June, I was beginning a solo art installation based on botanical studies. When I say beginning, I mean I had just received the funding for it.

I'm a photographer first and foremost, but I also dabble in painting and creative nonfiction. What I did for the exhibition was take photos of plants in a region that had never been studied from a floral perspective before. I also gathered water from local sources to paint the landscapes, and wrote small prose pieces to go along with it.

The areas I went to for this project were very deep within the mountains. So remote, in fact, that the only person I'd see for days on end was the botanist I was working with.

As I write, that exhibition is being taken down. The finished pieces are being placed into storage by my funder after being shown for the past 2 months. I only found out about its ending last night, as I now live in the UK.

I'm writing all this because of the strange coincidence that my exhibition was ended prematurely right as I finish the podcast that got me through it. It's emotional, thinking about how I listened to Angler Fish as I was beginning my preliminary sketches, but I just finished Last Words editing a photo for a completely different project.

The Magnus Archives is, frankly, a lot to chew on. A good bit of food, mind you, but a lot. As someone studying to work in film theory (yes, I do too much, no, I don't sleep, no, I will not stop) it's rare to find any piece of media that is so deeply complex, yet is far more original than most other things today.

I could go on about so many different parts of the podcast. The moral implications of the actions and beliefs of the Archivist. The utilization of experiential creativity to draft a powerful, distinct narrative. The use of the medium to utilize the audience's imagination and force them to project their own experiences onto this concept. The debate over who may have truly had a choice and who had everything determined for them. I'll probably write more about this stuff in the future, and I haven't even begun to think about all the goofy stuff I could say.

The ending of my exhibition itself was rather unsatisfying for a number of reasons. But the ending of the Magnus Archives was anything but. That podcast was a masterfully crafted, uniquely original, and deeply thought-provoking narrative. I, frankly, don't have many words at the moment, and I believe it would be a disservice to my experience of the podcast to try and force anything beyond this out.

So, yeah. The Magnus Archives was phenomenal. This is not the last rant you'll be hearing from me about it.

[whatareyoudoingwithamaserati]

yessss, two friends showed me jennifers body a couple years ago! the movie deserves every single bit of hype it gets, i had so much fun, it was delicious!

(if you have more recs? 👀👀 I love literary/audio horror but ive been too... idk, scared? because i don't know what i like when it comes to visuals?)

LET’S GOOOOO!!! I put off watching Jennifer’s Body for so long because I was worried it would not live up to the hype but MAN was it worth it. They have been plaguing my thoughts ever since. I am especially a massive fan of the costume design because they NAILED that shit!!

Admittedly I’m more into horror movies than novels (it is . So hard to read these days) and podcasts have never caught my fancy, but it would feel wrong to not recommend sign here by Claudia Lux and the ever infamous American psycho by Bret Easton Ellis. I actually haven’t finished American psycho because it is a dense read but my god it’s a beautiful masterpiece of a book and I did not expect it to be as hilarious as it is

Movie wise I tend to jump all over the place and watch whatever catches my fancy so this is. Not a very cohesive rec list and not full of very many older homoerotic movies but. I plan to watch more when I can

First and foremost I am an absolute die hard fan of house of 1000 corpses. I cannot put into words how much I love it in all of its weirdness. It was made by rob zombie of living dead girl fame and you can TELL in the best of ways. It’s got fun colour grading, excessive swearing, weird ass characters, and such a fun setting. I’d say it’s on the medium-heavy side of gore with a couple of body horror scenes and a good bit of blood and mutilation. The seocnd movie is good, third eh, but you don’t actually need to watch those two. They take the camp of the first movie and turn it into a more gritty realistic energy that is almost meanspirited in nature

I’m a HUGE cabin fever fan and I will recommend it at every chance I get, BUT! There is a caveat and that is that it is not only significantly gory but also that it is weird, campy, kitschy, and a real big fan of slurs, LOL. I think we hit several n-words, an r-word or two, and some use of faggot. Some of the later scenes are downright WEIRD but despite it all it is one of my favourite horrors with some really haunting scenes

Hellraiser in general is a wonderful franchise, I love Clive Barker’s choice to base the cenobites around a mix of BDSM and gay culture and how he characterizes pinhead, even if the later movies fuck it up a little. The 2022 standalone is a huge favourite in particular, I love the imagery and the cenobite redesigns that lean heavier into body horror as well as the cinematography. Jamie Clayton’s pinhead is fucking INCREDIBLE to boot

If you like erotic horror, X is definitely a good one to watch - the plot centres around sex workers determined to make an erotic film and make it big, with some immaculate commentary on desirability, beauty, and aging. Good bit of tits and ass in that one, as well as medium level gore. It also has two sequels, Pearl and MaXXXine, which are set in the past and future respectively. Pearl was secretly shot at the same time as X in the same location and focuses on the lust for fame, the need to make it big, and a youthful mania of sorts coming from Pearl. MaXXXine I haven’t actually seen yet so I cannot say much about it, but I hope to get to it soon!

The fear street trilogy is also a remarkably well done series that seamlessly covers one long tangled mystery throughout three different timelines, using the same handful of actors for each one! The use of setting and cinematography is so fuckint cool, the eventual mystery reveal is absolutely wild, and there’s even a canon queer relationship! The gore isn’t too bad, I’d say light but there are some moments that push it to a medium at best

Ready or Not is a movie I enjoy for a variety or reasons (I think the iconic shot of Grace in a ripped and bloody wedding dress is pretty big on the internet), from the setting to the storytelling to Samara Weaving’s fucking banshee screams, with medium-light gore (though the bits that do show up are impactful as all hell. Cabin in the Woods is fun as a deconstruction of the horror genre (and a story that theoretically makes every single horror movie made canon, wow), though it’s also just really fucking funny. Another medium gore!

Candyman 2021 is a brilliant take on an old legacy of movies (again, no previous ones need watching) with a wonderful exploration of gentrification, black trauma, and what makes the candyman the candyman. I know I keep talking about cinematography but holy fuck, the multimedia use in this film in particular. Immaculate. I feel practically obligated to recommend Deathgasm, which is an indie horror with some pretty wicked gore, if not just because the main characters are all metalheads, and as one myself, it’s SO COOL to see us as protags in a horror movie

Last but not least, Prey 2022. Holy fuck, Prey is an utter masterpiece. It’s the latest addition to the predator franchise, another one of those ones you don’t Need to have watched in order to watch prey, but havint seen them gives the watching experience a good bit more depth, with iconic lines being given a new spin. It’s technically a prequel to the first ever predator movie, focusing on one of the first few appearances of a predator on earth (ehhh debatable considering the canon of aliens vs predator but I’m ignoring that for the sake of conciseness), giving it more a more basic appearance and weapons, while also letting it kick absolute ASS. The plot is incredible, the cinematography is incredible, the CGI animals are so much better than ever expected, and it’s also the first ever feature length film to ever have an official Comanche dub!!! Holy fuck!!

As a bonus, though I haven’t seen it, Doctor Sleep also seems like a really well done movie! It’s based off of the Stephen King book set after the shining, reprising and revisiting a lot of iconic moments to tell a new story with fucking incredible visuals that put their own spin on the shining

[thelaurenshippen]

Hey Lauren! I've just finished writing my first novel, I'm also the writer/creator of the audio series Life & Death on the Rim (Star Wars fan audio drama), and I've started my own company Galactic North Productions. What I really want to understand is how other writers/creators who are successful and profitable got there. If there are any insights you can give me I'm all ears, whether that's associations, conventions, marketing, etc etc I just really want to learn. Very determined. Thank you!

hey!!! first off, HUGE congrats on finishing your first novel, that's an incredible feat and you should be unbelievably proud!!!! secondly, I hadn't heard of this podcast before but as a huge fan of both star wars and fan works, I am absolutely putting it on my tbl list right now!!!!

so. this is a great question. and a hard question. and one that I'm probably going to spend way too many words answering, if I know myself at all.

I think this question, in part, depends on what you consider successful and profitable! for me, it's meant being a jack of all trades - a lot of my work has come from being someone who knows how to make a podcast from soup to nuts and from being a person who a lot of people know. you've already done the hard thing: making something. that's your resume, now get the resume out there!

I wish I could give advice about marketing and finding an audience, but honestly it's changed so much since I started out that I hardly know how to find an audience anymore. but the basic approach always stands I think: don't promo, build community. be authentic and enthusiastic, and hang out in online spaces that you're already excited to be in. share your passion with people. clearly you already know how to do that, making a fan podcast!

in terms of getting to know your peers, I always recommend people join the WGA Audio Alliance discord to get to know who else is working in the space and hear about events. I did meet a lot of people at events early on, but unfortunately a lot of those things don't exist anymore (or were one-offs to begin with) or were smaller, invite-only things. if you're in NY, LA, Chicago, or London, there are vibrant AD scenes, so seek those out and go to (or organize!) a meet-up.

knowing your peers is the single most important thing for getting jobs. with the exception of one cold outreach, every job I've ever gotten has been because I met somebody and vibed with them. stay in touch but not too much - don't email your industry contacts all the time, but every 8-18 months, reach out to folks and do a catch up zoom or coffee. but don't network just to network! get to know people whose work you really like. getting to know peers at your same level is just as - if not more - important as networking to those who are further along in success than you.

be incredibly findable. having the facebook page, instagram, etc. is great, but if you're a production company hoping to make money through providing services like producing, directing, writing, etc. (which is primarily how I've made a living - I don't really make money directly from my original podcasts), having a website is a must. if you don't want to pay for squarespace or wix, you can make a website through tumblr and then just buy a url and have it redirect (I wrote about this a bit in my production guide). same deal if you want to be hired as a writer - having a website or some kind of resume is huge. I'm not saying you need to have an instagram detailing your personal life or anything (for me, I get personal about my thoughts on social media, but I never post my family/partner/non-industry friends/etc. some creators have had massive success building mystery (lemony snicket, the team behind midst), but I have no idea how to do that lol

this is already too long, so to summarize: build a community, both in your audience and your colleagues, be very clear and open about the skills you have/services you provide, and, ideally, do a lot of different things that put you in front of a lot of different audiences. try a lot of things and stick with what works.

to speak more on my personal journey, just briefly: 90% of being successful in the art and entertainment industry is luck. I know that people always say that, and it sucks as advice because it's not advice at all, but it is just true. luck and timing. the only way to improve your chances are to make stuff, meet people, and be easily accessible.

I know that's all exceptionally broad advice - if you'd like to share more specifics about your career goals, I'm happy to get more specific too!

[pbandjesse]

I am back at camp. And my decision could be more positive I think it works really well today. Very tired right now but I had a really nice. One of the negativity that I had been feeling really transferred over to today. And I start with my boundaries I am setting have been respected. And I'm just feeling pretty good. Also just really excited to close my eyes.

Last night after I finished my post James would finish their podcast and would come give me the biggest hug and it was so nice. We would talk for a really long time and eventually they went to go to pizza and we just sent the night together and it was really really good. I told him about my plan to be more positive and they thought that was a good idea.

When I woke up in the morning James was right there getting ready to leave. They gave me a big hug and then they went to work. I was going to roll over and sleep longer but then I remembered I purposefully parked on the side of the street that we had to move the car by 8:00 a.m. for shoot cleaning or get $100 ticket so that I would force myself to wake up. And, under duress, I got up and got dressed and tried to shake off how tired I was.

It was very hard. I was not feeling 100%. But I really liked my outfit and my hair was doing good things and I was determined to be positive. I'm trying to stop frowning so much. I feel like I've been just frowning a lot and I catch myself doing it and I don't like it. So I am making a big effort to just have a neutral face if I'm not smiling.

I went and got breakfast and that was fine. And I saved my sandwich for lunch which I always think is a pretty good idea. And it was a nice drive. I listen to some music and I beat the drop off line once I got to camp.

I got up here around 8:30 and tidied up a little and put some stuff away. And kind of made a plan for what I was going to do. I had to do some prep work and I wasn't sure if Tatiana was coming. But I wanted to make sure I had stuff done just in case. And I figured when she came she could help me sleep and reset some of the cardboard and things would be productive.

And she would come and she was super helpful. I showed her the other loom and we worked on that for a while. I showed her the tools that you used to move the yarn around and I don't know if she's interested in using it but it was fun to have as an example.

And it would be a really nice day. Our first group was running late. Not shocked. So I was standing outside and I felt like I was very overcaffeinated this morning because I was flitting from one thing to the next. And I told Tatiana I felt like my brain was going a million miles a minute.

I went outside to see if anybody was coming and one of the girl groups was walking past and one of them just said oh my God you're so pretty. And I was like oh my God the first person to tell me that this summer. And the counselor and a couple of the kids go but we all know you're pretty so we don't have to tell you. And I'm like but no one has told me! And it just made me feel so good and when that little girl saw me later she said hello gorgeous. And I was like oh my God thank you so much.

So that brighten my day a lot. And I would have a really nice day. While my first group was late, they did a great job, Jorge was there and he loves arts and crafts so it means all the kids really excited to do arts and crafts. He is color blind so it was very cute when he came in to ask what color the yarn was in his hand. He was looking for red and he was playing with brown. And then he thought one was white it was actually pink. But we eventually figured it out and he was able to make the red white and black flag he wanted to make for the sports team he likes. I forget which one it was. It was soccer. You know, European Football.

I don't go to lunch. Instead I eat my egg sandwich in my outside hammock and read my book. While I was out there I heard voices in the art building and I knew Tati was in here. But it wasn't the group it was Joe and Alexi's dad and two electricians. Because Alexi's dad, Lou, apparently bought a new kiln or was given a kiln? And he wants to put it in the art building so we can do ceramics again. Which would be so cool but Alexi does not think will happen because this building is not insulated for that. It would get so hot in here. And that is correct. That is my concern. I don't know how big the kiln is he's talking about. But it would have to hold a lot of pieces I was assuming. It would be very cool to do though. Maybe sometime in the future.

In the meantime though I talked to Joe about flooding in the building and he has some ideas. He's not too worried about the structural stuff I think but at least we'll get some of the moisture out of here hopefully.

Good afternoon groups were great. The day camp group right after lunch was 15 minutes early again. But they were very chill about it and they took the kids down to the field. And they did a very good job with their little stick of looms that we made. Honestly I don't think the fabric looms work great. I don't know why because the Pinterest moms all said it was such a fun project. But I'm only having day camp one and two do it because I don't think they can handle the other one. The older kids can barely handle it. It's been very mixed. Most, like 99%, of the kids really like this project. It's just a couple that really don't get it or rushed through it because they want to be done cuz they're not interested. Fine I just don't like when they're disrespectful about it. Like I don't accept that everybody will love my projects all the time even if I would love for that to be the case. I just want them have a good time so as long as they tried we can move on. Like one boy absolutely hate leaving. And did not want to do it at all but he tried for a few minutes and then he asked if he can make a drum so I got him a jar and a balloon and we made him a little drum and it was really fun.

Good afternoon actually went really fast. I have my little break and that group right after was stuck it and they came too early and I made them all leave because I said I had 10 more minutes on my break and I wanted them to go away. And Manny was like yep you don't have to explain that to me! And then they ended up being late which I thought was funny. But they were very sweet boys and at first none of them wanted to do anything but then I convinced them all to make bracelets and stuff and a lot of them made things for their girlfriends which I thought was cute. They asked what would be the perfect color to make the bracelets they were going to do and I said it should be your eye color and her eye color and they were like oh my God that's such a good idea! I was like they're going to love it. So I helped a few of them do that. And a couple of them made beaded bracelets. Including one boy who's from the Ukraine and has a very fun accent. He did not love that I called him the Ukrainian child a few times. But I think more because he does not want to be referred to as a child. But they're all children to me.

One of my favorite things right now has been explaining to the kids that my age difference between me and the counselors is more than the ancient between them and the council hurts. And I think that's really funny. It's also fun to tell the kids that James was a few of the counselors counselor back in the day. Like that's my husband. And we're old!

I was happy when the day was over just because I was getting tired. I said goodbye to Tati. Jeff was up here doing service hours and was sorting beads for me. He also wrote his little paper on Bob Ross which had a lot of typos but was solid information. I did not know that Barb Ross was in the army. And was missing a finger on his left hand. So I signed off on his service hours and his paper and I went to go take a shower.

I actually kind of wish I had brought my bathing suit down so I'm going to start keeping my bathing suit in my shower bag. Because when I got down there the water was so warm and it was so nice. I was standing in the shallow end in my skirt for a little while just enjoying it and then I went and sat with Chloe who had her legs in the water. The horse girls were swimming and getting ready for pool canoes. The little girls that were there were all very concerned about my skirt getting wet but I kept telling him it's fine guys it's fine. I'm about to get changed. And after we sat and talked for a while I would go take my shower and I did not smell like metal this time. So I'm pretty happy about that. But I think I am going to stop somewhere this weekend and get a new lotion. Something that smells nice like a fruit. I usually go body shop but it's so expensive. We'll see what happens.

I would take a walk around camp at one point. I heard Ty wasn't here because something was going on. So I was going to walk over to homestead. I stopped at nature first and said hello to Celia. She was working on creating a new enclosure for Samson the box turtle. And then I went over to see the homestead animals. I also texted Ty to check in to make sure he was okay. And I made friends with the goats. I had tried to get them to come over to me but they wouldn't and then when I walked away they started bleating So I walked back and then they wanted to chew on my skirt and sniff me and stuff and I was like oh my God are we friends now?? It was great.

And it would be a really nice afternoon. I would read for a while and hang out and eventually CJ came and chilled with me. I had a little snack before dinner. And then me and her walked over to dinner itself to get ready and it was a really good dinner.

We had spaghetti. There was no meat sauce. I got to have breadsticks and broccoli. I wanted to have three breadsticks but honestly two was too many. But I was having the best time. And my friends were there and everything was great. And then I heard there was Kona ice coming too and so I was like oh my God we need to go get that. So we jokingly all said that we had to go check on the quality of the Kona ice which is why we had to go get it right now. So me CJ and Celia walked across the field to go bother the Kona Iceman.

We chatted with him for a while and we all got our little treats. And then me and Celia went back to nature so that she could show me Samson's new enclosure and when we got there we didn't see him because it turns out he is so happy for the very first time he has enough substrate and space to bury himself. And so he dug a little hole and buried himself in his new substrate. What a difference 6 in in width will make on a tank for this little turtle. And so we sat and we were just so thrilled that he has so much more space. And then we discussed ways that we can try to improve his enclosure and the snakes enclosure. Just make them a little bit better. I'm going to check to see at home if I have expandable foam and if not we might make a plan on trying to make some kind of rockscape in the back using some that we can pick up from somewhere. But it was just really nice sitting in there and we talked about him a whole bunch of stuff. Including all of my weird medical things. And then Josephine enjoyed us and we all chilled for a while until it was time to go and put the birdies to bed.

We got in the bird enclosure and immediately I grabbed the dog. Which isn't very weird thing to hold. And he did not love it. But we got him in the enclosure and then I grabbed the chicken, Grandma, and then we had to get the two little chicken. And they were much harder to catch because they were faster. But humans are pursuit predators so it was not a big deal we just kept following them until we cornered them were able to catch them. It was really fun to know I was having a great time but I was getting a little sweaty and I was ready to go and lay down.

Celia went home and Josephine and me walked to the museum to use the bathroom. And then she tried to convince me to come to skip tonight but I was not having it. I have eaten way too much food and I was ready to go lay down. I talked to Cody for a few minutes and then told Josephine about the movie The Newsies because we were looking at a sign about Santa Fe. And then I came back up here. Which is where I have been for most of the last hour. I did walk down to the field for a little while to watch the fireflies but I am very very tired and I am ready to just be chill.

Tomorrow is the last day of the first session of camp! And the end of the second week. I love camp and I'm glad that today really felt more normal. Things didn't feel as heavy and bad and people were being more respectful and I just felt more myself. It was really good.

Tomorrow I have my last groups and fingers crossed me and a couple of the kids from teepees will get to practice with the metal casting. Hopefully I don't hurt myself or anybody else. We'll see what happens there. But I hope it's a really good day and I hope you guys sleep well tonight. Send me the vibes that I can fall asleep easy and then no beetles attack me. Good night everybody.

[accountingacademic]

Day of Determination

Daily Reflection Wednesday, 25 October 2023

"You only fail when you stop trying."

Things I'm Grateful For:

My cats for curling up with me and grounding me when I start getting caught up in how much I have on my to-do list each day.

Highlights:

Finished the PowerPoint unit in my Computer Apps course ahead of schedule. The unit before that isn't even due until the end of next week, so I have a solid head start. One unit left, five weeks allotted on the syllabus for it, and seven weeks to do it. I expect it will actually take me only three or four weeks, giving me a solid three weeks at the end of the semester where I don't have to worry about anything.

Did a practice run of my presentation for next week at the public speaking club at lunch.

Challenges:

My grandmother is the type to misconstrue everything she's told, which does make her difficult to deal with. She called me last week asking me to help her with something on Wednesday when I was done with school. I replied, "Sure, I'll be over after class," and then she was surprised when I showed up after class, thinking I wasn't going to be there. Because somehow "Sure, I'll be over after class," turned into "no." I'm just waiting for the time I have to say no, and then she gets upset when I "no-show" after saying I'd do something.

My next assignment on the go for Communications is on a marketing podcast. I am mentally exhausted with marketing, so this assignment is making me miserable. On the bright side, it's only two pages long, so I shouldn't have any issues getting it done for Sunday night.

Emotions:

Leading up to lunch, I was a little apprehensive because I hadn't done any public speaking in a while. Once I was done I was very relieved to have it over with, and I also now feel much more confident about how next week is going to go.

Frustrated with my grandmother for sure.

I'm still anxious about that group project, and know I will be until the results come back. Hopefully, it's not too late for me to be able to do something to boost my course mark above 80.

Lessons Learned:

I'm not as out-of-practice with public speaking as I thought I was, which is always a relief and makes me feel a lot better about that presentation I have to do.

Tomorrow's To-Do List:

Get a chunk of the Excel unit for Computer Apps out of the way at lunch; I want to see how quickly I can finish the work for this course.

Finish practice exercises for chapter 3 in Accounting.

Cancel Canva subscription. I'd used the trial for presentation slides, and my use for it is so sporadic that I'm not spending the money.

Read chapters 8 and 9 for Personal Finances.

[hugespace]

Therapy helps rhett realize that all of those "I'm dead" UFC moves were actually just a way to fulfill his need for physical intimacy at a time in his life where he didn't feel it was acceptable to ask for it, especially from another man. Now that they're both adults and completely different people than they were in college, rhett decides it's time to explain it all to link and let him know that he actually misses that physical contact with him.

It took me a really long while, but I finally finished this one! I really loved that prompt, so thank you so much for giving it to me, lovely Anon. I was initially going to write it as a platonic/romantic friendship kinda story, but it seems I'm determined to write a hundred different first kiss + feelings realisation scenarios, I simply enjoy those way too much.

*** 2,5K ***

Let me hold you

He’s done it again.

Not so long ago, Rhett promised himself not to bring it up in front of cameras or a microphone unless he talks it out with Link, privately.

Especially not as a joke.

And he’s failed already, he scolds himself short after the Ear Biscuits episode is recorded and they’re both out of the room, heading back towards their office.

He thinks he could have just omitted it, shouldn’t have mentioned anything. It simply wasn’t necessary to mull over it again, even with the topic of the episode revolving around their college experience. It wasn’t a big deal, he said it himself, countless times. Every time they talked about it on the show.

So, every time.

There’s never been a conversation in private about that incident or anything that preluded it, never in the absence of people to entertain, never not around at least one recording device. Because why would there be? It wasn’t a big deal. A funny story, s’all.

He’s also never been able to just let things go, though, and thanks to that inability, the lore of wrestling and the “I’m dead” move had to live on. It was an innocent story, a funny albeit embarrassing one – their unofficial brand after all, an easy misunderstanding and a fun little anecdote, not his carefully curated version of what happened, nor a watered-down one, not just a part of the entire story devoid of any feelings associated with it, not a big deal-! And most of all, not… true. Not true.

Rhett isn’t sure if Link has been consciously going along with that wordlessly agreed upon version of what their UFC phase looked like, repressing the truth behind it, or… simply never realised what it meant for Rhett and genuinely thought of it as a humorous yet insignificant part of their friendship in the past.

Most likely the third option, he has to assume. After all, why would Link attach any meaning to it? It’s not like anything actually ever happened, not outside of Rhett’s mind at least. Frankly, he himself went decades without understanding his own motivations, more than once confused by why the memories of wrestling with his friend and laying on top of him felt both shameful and deeply comforting. Why even long after they grew up, stopped being kids, and as a result retired all their UFC moves, the only way he could describe what he felt thinking about that time was longing.

Until therapy happened.

Just like with many different things in his life:

There was something in the darkness, and then therapy shone a light on it.

It was like there were countless situations he navigated solely on instinct, without paying much thought to the reasons behind why he acted a certain way, and once therapy equipped him with the ability to do so, he unearthed an entire deep layer of feelings and emotions that were always there. Just hidden, even from himself.

The wrestling being one of those things.

So, he thinks Link doesn’t know.

And he’s finally determined to change that.

Why now, when he’s had so many chances to talk to Link over the years ever since he started being more in touch with himself? He doesn’t really have an answer; it’s just that after talking about it with such levity again, after repeatedly making a joke out of it, it feels like he might explode if he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t confess to Link what it was really like. And most of all, it feels like the yearning has become stronger lately, and the conversation yet again playing it all off as them being young and silly only ignited it, made the flame inside of Rhett burn brighter, threatening to make his heart combust.

“I need to talk to you about something that’s been on my mind.” Rhett says easily once they’re in the office. It’s not an unsure statement or a nervous plea with words tumbling out of his mouth before he can lose his cool and change his mind. It would have been all that and more a couple of years ago, sure.

But he’s a different man now. He’s not afraid to tell the person who’s been with him for almost the entirety of his life what he feels.

Link, however. He does look unsure, a bit alarmed even, when he looks at Rhett and responds.

“Sure-? What is it? Do you wanna talk now?”

It’s just like him to worry. Run a hundred different scenarios in his head, most of them negative, trying to prepare himself for every possible outcome of a serious conversation before it even began. It’s an anxious survival instinct that makes Link resilient to even the worst that life has to offer and able to face it all head on. But right now, it’s nothing scary. Rhett doesn’t want his friend to be worried, so he quickly says as much.

“Don’t worry, s’not bad. Just something we talked about on the podcast today.” The blonde sits down on the couch and pats the cushion next to him, hoping he appears to be as calm as he truly feels inside and that it might dissolve some of Link’s concern, still written all over his face.

The other man takes his place on the sofa and looks at him expectingly.

“Right. So-“ Rhett’s calmness doesn’t completely evaporate once Link gives him his full attention, but it’s suddenly laced with some nerves. “About the wrestling. You know, in college. And before that. And- Especially about my ‘I’m dead’ move. I’ve been thinking about it, and-“

“Rhett, I swear, if you made me sit down for a talk only to tell me you’d like to make it a part of our conflict resolution again, then ha-ha. Very funny. I’d like to go get myself some coffee now.” Link cuts him off with an unamused look in his eyes and almost makes a move to stand up.

Rhett is quicker though and grabs the brunette’s arm before he can really move, effectively making him stay in place.

“What? No. That’s not what I’m saying. Like, at all. I-“ He realises he’s still holding onto Link’s arm and instinctively wants to retract his hand, but that same feeling that led him to initiating this conversation in the first place makes him reconsider. “I’ve been thinking about what it all meant and why I did that, especially when we fought or you were angry with me, and-“

“Because we were young.” Link quickly answers what wasn’t even a question. “We had too much energy and neither of us really wanted to hurt the other by punching him or- or fighting in earnest. What else would it mean.”

“Link can you let me talk? I’m trying to say something important.” Rhett squeezes Link’s forearm. “So, as I was saying. I mostly did it when you were angry or I was feeling unsure, and I didn’t realise it back then, but- But I know now, that I just… needed reassurance. You know, physical contact.” He explains, looking straight into Link’s eyes and trying to interpret his reaction before it comes.

When nothing happens, and the brunette just stares back at him with a furrowed brow, he feels compelled to continue and elaborate.

“Like when people… hug after an argument-?” His brain almost challenges him to make a different comparison, presenting a parallel between laying half-naked on top of your best friend and another activity people often partake in to make up after a fight. But that’s not- It’s not what he’s trying to say. It’s not like that.

The face in front of him frowns in confusion, blue eyes squinting and mouth opening and closing again, only letting out a puff of air and no sound at first.

When Link finally responds, his voice is unsure, like he suspects that he’s not understanding something right. “Are you trying to tell me you wanted to hug me when we bickered, so you pushed me to the floor and laid on me till I was even angrier, instead…?”

That’s not fully what Rhett meant, but it’s close enough, so he nods.

“What the crap, Rhett-? You're not making any sense.”

“Okay, listen…” He decides to go for a different approach. “We still don’t hug after arguments. We never hug hello. I think I could count on my fingers how many times we’ve actually hugged each other as adults, outside of the show!”

“Yeah! That’s just not what we do! We’ve never done those things, it’s just not a part of our relationship- I still don’t know what you wanna tell me here Rhett.” Link throws his hands in the air in a gesture of resignation.

“I want it to be a thing we do, okay?! I always did, but I was afraid to ask for it so I just took what you could give me without talking about it. Can’t have actual intimacy? Make up a UFC thing so I can be close to you! Can’t hold you when I’ve made you mad? Better lay on top of you till you give up and have no choice but stop!” Rhett pauses to finally take a breath.

“That time that guy saw us- I’m sure you remember I stormed off right after-? I panicked, it was like him seeing us and thinking there was something else happening almost made feel like it was something else, and since I started it, it also felt like I wanted it to be something else. I got so angry at myself for even trying and I never did it again. I’m sure you remember that, too!” Words flow out of Rhett in a hurried and increasingly loud cascade, while Link’s eyes grow bigger and comprehension dawns on his face.

“I know how stupid it sounds. But you know how I was. We were well into our thirties when I still refused to get close to you. And it’s not that I didn’t want to, it was the opposite – I wanted it a lot, man.”

„But I thought...?” Link seems to be turning a thought over in his head. “I thought you just never liked it. That the wrestling thing was about you… asserting dominance. That’s what it felt like at least. Like you trying to act like an older brother or somethin’.”

“No- It was me wanting to be close to you and not knowing how to ask for it. My very convoluted way of expressing love, you could call it. And I’m sorry it took me-“

“What changed-? I mean, what made you wanna talk about it?” There’s urgency in Link’s voice when he cuts Rhett off.

“I… I realised I miss it. I told you, we still don’t really hug or get intimate, however that sounds, and I’m not gonna just topple you and pin you to the ground again. We’re too old for that. For once, I don’t think either my back or your shoulders would survive if we started wrestling every time I wanted to be affectionate. But also- We’re over forty, Link. What does it say about me if I can’t just ask a person I love and have loved for almost four decades to hold me when I need it and would resort to, well, aggression-? That’s not how it should work.”

Link ponders Rhett’s words for a few beats before opening his mouth again, only to let three breathy words escape. “You love me-?”

It seems like the wrong thing to focus on, Rhett just opened up to say he not only craves physical intimacy now, but also struggled with that same need when they were younger so badly, he had to invent an entire intricate system allowing him to be closer, and Link questions the one thing he knows already. Because of course he knows, Rhett’s said as much dozens of times, of course he loves him. But it appears he has to say it anyway, judging from the weird look in Link’s eyes.

“I do, of course I lo-“ The blonde begins, yet he doesn’t get a chance to finish and ask whether Link heard the other part of his confession at all, because at once, his mouth isn’t free to keep talking and there’s no air left in his lungs as the man who was just sitting right next to him plunges forward and collides with him, lips first.

Oh. Rhett manages to form one more coherent thought despite being startled and entirely taken aback. Link misunderstood. That’s why he got hung up on the love confession. That’s not what Rhett meant, that’s not what he was trying to say, it’s not like that-

He feels like he should clear things up as quickly as possible. Logically, he should be panicking, racking his brain for a way to straighten things up, to explain to Link that it wasn’t what he was trying to say without making things worse, without ruining everything and making his best friend feel miserable and embarrassed, until…

Until Rhett realises his body went rogue and started responding without his conscious decision, his lips are moving against the other man’s, one of his hands is cupping Link’s face, while the other strayed away and is caressing his back. And it feels like his heart is trying to break out of the ribcage with how hard it’s pounding in his chest, along with his stomach doing wild summersaults. And he’s not panicking, not at all. And it’s not a misunderstanding, how could it, when he loves Link with his entire soul, with his whole being- And exactly like that, it hits him. Starting this conversation, he thought he already understood everything, but he didn’t– there was still that last puzzle piece missing.

They come up for air, panting from the intensity of that first kiss, foreheads flush with each other. Rhett finishes the sentence he began before Link’s move changed everything. “Of course I love you.” He means it now, he means it exactly like Link took it and can’t comprehend how he didn’t think of it before, but it’s perfectly obvious now.

So he hugs Link. He encircles the man’s body with his long arms, squeezes, and holds him, feels his friend snuggle into him, nuzzle his face into the crook of his neck and breathe deeply, holding Rhett's larger body in return.

All he needed was ask for the closeness.

He asked, and he got it.

He got all he wanted and so much more.

So, so much.

[fakecrfan]

Eskew thoughts

Okay so now I have finished the series and taken some time to digest it. My thoughts:

re: David and Allegra, re: the style of the story and emotional attachment

I am glad David and Allegra’s relationship was a thing. I really feel like we needed that. David needed to have someone to care about, so that he could lose them. But I feel like they could have gone farther with it.

I suppose the relationship or the fear of the loss of it didn’t fill me with urgency, for some reason. Perhaps this is because I never got a sense from David’s acting that there was much urgency or desperation in their attachment. His droning monologue style is very good at expressing the feeling of resignation and brow-beaten acceptance of horror, but not very good at expressing urgency--like desperation, fear, etc. Did anyone else feel that way?

That said, all of the stuff with them dancing around each other after Allegra was assimilated was excellent. It just could have hit even harder.

I think this could have been solved by adding Allegra earlier. In general, I feel like the podcast was lacking in terms of character relationships. It had absolutely transcendent horror imagery, but very few meaty character dynamics, and the dynamics that existed had little time to develop.

I also feel like the series was often lacking a sense of drama. Not lacking in drama exactly, but the way dramatic events were presented. It’s always a monologue, never a drama, even when we finally get two voiced characters interacting with each other.

In the Magnus Archives, we are hearing events more or less as they happened. In Eskew, we hear someone recounting events that happened. The latter puts a bit of a screen between us and the story.

Re: Riyo

Riyo was incredibly badass and I love her. I could listen to her read the phone book.

I think the most emotional episode, for me, was when she woke up next to a copy of her lost love and immediately killed the imposter instead of even more a moment succumbing to that dream.

I liked that she was such a foil to David, so determined and convinced she could break right out while David was so... molded to Eskew.

I also really like the contrast in the audience that David and Riyo speak to. David speaks to a generalized, faceless audience. Riyo is always speaking to one, specific person.

Again, once they were interacting the dynamic was great. I sort of wish the series had connected them earlier on, but I am not sure how best that could have happened.

Other things:

EYYYYYYYYY KENNETH SURVIVED! Good for him! I am honestly stunned he showed up again since pretty much every other character besides Allegra and Riyo were one offs. Still I liked him especially out of all the ones off, so I am glad he showed up at the end.

I really loved the episodes at the end that popped in between David’s plot to tell us about what sounded like Eskew interacting with the outside world while expanding.

The part where David says he wants to become nothing, to just not feel anymore... holy damn.

The series is SO goddamn quotable. Like every other line is some sort of poetic stuff about ghosts appearing behind you to make you acknowledge them, or spooky shit like that. How do they manage to put in that many quotable lines?

[haveamagicalday]

No spoilers review!

Two years ago I stumbled onto the horror game Until Dawn. I read the synopsis of the game and was fascinated with the storyline and the interactive element. I even started to watch a youtube stream of it and when I realized how simple the gameplay was, decided to try it out myself. I loved it! Even though I knew the storyline and the big twists it was still a blast to play so I was super pumped when they announced in March that a spiritual successor was coming out just three months later! Well I just finished the game so here are my thoughts:

The Story: It’s the end of summer camp at Hackett’s Quarry and our camp counselors are getting ready to head out. The owner of the camp, Chris Hackett, is somewhat eager for them to leave but unfortunately a tampered with car engine delays them another day. With a cryptic warning to stay indoors for the night, Mr. H leaves the teens to fend for themselves. Ignoring his warnings they decided to have a last summer hurrah but when the sun goes down, the horror begins! You guide nine different characters through the night and your choices will determine whether they live or die.

Out of the nine counselors I kept five alive, which sounds like a lot but it was still a “bad” ending (more on that later). Actually I was surprised I managed to keep them all alive as long as I did. There is a playable prologue and ten chapters in total. Overall the game lasts about 8-10 hours depending on your actions. 

Overall I really enjoyed it! I’m already excited to give it another shot. But it still had some flaws so let's start with those. 

Cons:

In comparison to Until Dawn, this game was not scary. Now, Until Dawn has a ton of jumpscares. I hate jumpscares but I will admit that they were very effective in creating a lot of tension. At least half, if not more, of the jumpscares in Until Dawn are actually fake out scares so it’s honestly not that bad but there are some really good ones in there that caused me to scream. The Quarry has barely any jumpscares. Which is good! But the gamemakers weren’t able to recapture the tension you felt in Until Dawn in The Quarry without them. There are a ton of ways to make things scary without jumpscares but this game didn’t really try. Because of the lack of jumpscares, I let my guard down pretty early and it never went back up. There were some creepy moments but I never felt scared like I did with Until Dawn.

No big plot twists. Until Dawn has a great twist about 2/3rds of the way through. You think you are playing one type of horror game but then the twist comes and it turns out there is a whole other genre of horror that is happening. The Quarry didn’t have this. There are plenty of reveals and little twists as the story goes on but nowhere near the same magnitude as Until Dawn. 

This is a nitpicky one but the game was too dark? Like, visually dark. I couldn’t see shit! I don’t know if I just needed to adjust the settings on my tv or what but a lot of areas were really dark and even when your character had a flashlight, it really didn’t illuminate anything for you

The “epilogue”. After the game ends in Until Dawn we get clips of our surviving characters being interviewed by the police. It’s not much of a follow up but it’s more than what we get here. Instead we get a podcast over the credits with two annoying hosts. They go over all of the clues and evidence you find over the game and piece together a story. The story is the game we just played. It’s literally just a rehash of everything we already know. And it goes on for 20 minutes! Longer I’m assuming if you collected more evidence than I did. I sat through it because I was hoping for an end credit scene (like Until Dawn) and there was none. I was mad lol

I felt that there was a lot more that could have been fleshed out. There are three different clue storylines that you can collect clues for. They are Camp History, Hackett History and The Sideshow History. The sideshow history is probably what excited me the most. Unfortunately because of some of the characters that died in my gameplay, I never got a conclusion to it. It was never really brought up by anybody. Well, I looked up the game after finishing it and learned that if I had kept certain characters alive, I would have not only gotten a conclusion to that storyline but there would have been a whole other final showdown. However, even learning all this, I was still disappointed that there wasn’t more to the sideshow storyline. I think there was so much potential for that to be creepy, maybe even take over the main storyline like Until Dawn with its two different stories and create a whole new experience. And while I like the idea that your choices might lead to you not discovering all the secrets of the summer camp, I don’t want to have to go through another 10 hours of gameplay to maybe get all my questions answered. I’m still going to though.

I wanted more! I wanted more story, more twists, more tension, just overall more! Until Dawn also had its faults and while this game improved on some of them, I still was left wanting more.

So now let’s talk about the good!

Pros

The characters. The characters were fun and distinct! I hated some and loved others. It was a strong cast of characters for this game.

The gameplay. I’ve seen some complain that they dumbed it down but for someone who’s video game playing rangers from the Sims to Super Paper Mario, I appreciated that this one had easier gameplay. Now, the gameplay in Until Dawn was also super easy but this was even easier somehow. I play these games for the story and experience not to be challenged or whatever. There are quicktime events and in Until Dawn these are done by hitting one of three buttons (square, triangle, circle) within a very short amount of time. In The Quarry the quick time events are done by moving the joystick in the direction it tells you too. This is so much more manageable. So for me, this was a pro but I get why it would be a con for some. Until Dawn also had a feature where you had to hold the controller completely still while hiding. This feature was janky and was super sensitive to movement. The Quarry did away with this and introduced holding your breath while hiding. This feature requires you to hold down the X button and release it only when you think it is safe. Much easier. They also give you the option to adjust some of these functions to make it easier or harder.

While the story has its faults, overall it is fun and spooky! It’s modern day but it has an 80s vibe that is entertaining. A bit predictable at some points but I don’t think it made this story any less good.

The soundtrack was fire

Replayability. Even though I looked up all the other endings, I enjoyed the game enough to want to play through it again so I can get those endings for myself.

This isn’t something I realized could happen in my gameplay because of the choices I made but there is actually a third thing that can happen to your characters. They can live, die or this third secret thing that I won’t spoil but I thought that was a really cool feature!

Barely any jumpscares!

Movie mode! I don’t know if I will ever actually use this mode but I thought it was awesome they added it. Basically you pick at the beginning whether you want everyone to live or die and then you just sit back and literally just watch the game as a movie. There’s also the director’s chair feature where you take it a step further and pick out character traits and then see how the traits affect the character’s actions and ultimately the outcome of the game. From what I’ve heard the movie mode is about 4-6 hours long.

So I will wrap this up by saying that I thought this game was a strong successor to Until Dawn. It was similar enough that you will enjoy it if you love Until Dawn but it might not leave as much of an impact as Until Dawn does. Overall, I think I enjoyed Until Dawn more but I will say I loved the creepy summer camp setting more than the ski lodge in Until Dawn. I’m getting excited to play it again as I type all of this!

[grantzarrr]

Just a thing g.d

summary: Y/n and Grayson don’t like labels but they fuck around with each other and feelings are definitely there, but what happens when they are revealed?

warnings: poorly written smut :)

tags: @fangdolan @gothlydolan @onlyyyarii (idk why it didn’t work :(( )

There she is, in her sexiest piece of lingerie that she could find. What was she doing? Well, she was taking mirror pictures for her boyfriend—fuck buddy—? To everyone besides them, they were seemed to just be dating but Y/n and Grayson just didn’t want to put a label on it yet. They never claimed each other but would always deny that they were fuck buddies, they just wanted to enjoy each other without having to feel like there was a need to call- what they have- something. Just taking it slow.

But while she was setting that up, Grayson was in the middle of filming for his podcast with Ethan and Ryan and she knew far and well what he was doing. She knew exactly what time it was, she knew that if Grayson’s phone ‘blew up’ a few times, everyone would be on his case ready to ask questions. And that's exactly how she wanted and what she wanted.

“So gray, are you still trying to figure your love life out or—like what’s going on there?” Ryan asked, being very keen on his relationship.

“Uh, ry you mean fuck partner?” Ethan teased knowing where to push him.

“Oh fuck off e, we’re not fuck partners nor in a relationship—just enjoying each other for a bit.”

Then he felt it, his phone buzzing notifying him that he received a message, he only glanced though, roughly seeing your name and turning his phone back over. But then, that notification went off again back to back. That right there caused some heads to turn as Grayson saw it was you again and going to see what’s up this time. And oh- was he surprised, there you were sitting on your knees in some lingerie, giving him that little smirk he would love to fuck outta you. He noticed the first little remark of 4 that you sent, that one just stuck out more it seemed like you were talking as if you had known what exactly he was doing.

here’s something to talk about on ur little podcast. p.s ik u wanna tell them were together so go on ;)

And that fucked Grayson up, as much as he wanted to fucking call you his just for you to say that did something— but he couldn’t be quite sure. But as he continued staring he started to shift in his seat a little, only staring at your tits in that, looking so perfect for him. Only him. All he wanted to do was to cover them in hickies. Oh, how bad he wanted to flip you over your vanity and force you to watch him through the mirror as he pounded into you miraculously. Then to place you on your knees and shove his dick down your throat until he saw the tears himself.

“Yo gray? seems as if someone got you a little tensed there? You’re shifting bro..” Ethan chuckled, he knew it was you asking to get dicked down or something. He just wanted to fuck with his brother and see how long it would take here. “Oh no, it’s nobody.” He blurted out quickly but he knew for this to stop he had to respond, to at least say something so he did it swiftly as possible.

Y/n you better fucking stop or I swear you won’t even have free hands to type.

He was pissed, aggravated he was so mad that you were getting away with that, and he couldn’t do shit. He had to sit there and film his podcast for about an hour and he just fucking knew you wouldn’t let this go, not even for a second. And he thought everyone forgot until Ethan brought it back up and he had to say at least something they wanted to hear now.

“Is that uh is that your girlfriend? Hm? Is she asking for you to come over again?” Ethan lightheartedly joked but still, he was so determined to get Grayson to boil and steam over like he did every time just on camera. “Jesus e, would you let it go already.” Grayson gritted being so easily tempted to just end the podcast, it's been at least 58 minutes he can firmly say.

“Oh no go ahead, I would like to hear about this so to be fuck buddy, what is it only on Fridays? like a club? because I would love to be invited” Ryan joined in with Ethan on the little joke but he seriously wanted to know about this just in the goofy little way to make of it. But just as Grayson was about to answer, another one of a more scandalous photo sent. This photo made its way to his number one spot on the “Private Folder” of his. Grayson felt like he was gonna explode but the explosive was straight at his dick and his face went beat red. Not of embarrassment but because holy shit— look at you.

It was you legs spread and the camera hovering just where to leave the imagination running wild but still enough to tell you were wet, even if he has already seen it all. It still fucked him up in ways he couldn’t even began to fonder over. And it was just enough for him to say enough of that teasing.

“Yo, um, I gotta go- but finish the pod ok? Alright, I’ll be back...later.” Grayson rushed off quickly. Everyone in the room just watched in silence as he quickly gathered his phone and a few small little things he carried with him and he left. “Yup, booty call- where the fuck is my 10 dollars, Ryan!” Ethan shouted, happy he won this little ‘bet’. “Wow-.” Was all Ryan could say.

Once Grayson got to her house, he didn’t even bother to knock, he knew that the spear key was always under the 4th rock to the left. And when he got in...oh boy was he furious. Talking as he closed and locked the door back, not knowing she was right in the living room getting herself off. “Y/n what the fuck was that!? I told you that I-.” He was stopped dead in his tracks when he heard her wimpier his name softly, he gulped quickly and turning her way to watch exactly what she was doing. “Oh-, I see you’ve started without me—and that’s the biggest mistake of your fucking life babe.”

And with that, he went and grabbed both her hands and held them above her head, diving in with a very heated kiss. Y/n begun mumbling words against their kiss as she tried rolling her naked hips against his crotch for some friction. “You wanna go and send shit like that to me when I’m filming? Then have the audacity to finger yourself? Instead of simply telling me you wanted to fuck—god why are you so risky.”

He tried to not rage at her, there was no point she wasn’t his girl but nor was she a ‘fuck buddy’ well technically yeah, but to them, they weren’t. But the shit she pulls sometimes fucks him up, having him thinking about it for days and easily getting hard at the smallest memory and he can’t say shit or it’ll be over, and boy he fucking loves it, who wouldn’t? The adrenaline is what Grayson Dolan is all about. He doesn’t know if she feels the same or he just really knows how to fuck her right yet. “ Mhmm I did and I’ll do it multiple times until you boil over because I’m your little risk maker.” She smirked—oh did she just say-

“You wanna fuck with me like that hm? Have me thinking about it for days? Well, I’ll show you a good fucking alright.” He growled at her, having a good reason to give it to her good after that claim. He started attacking her neck. Sucking and licking, little nibbles here and there and he then moved down her body. Still having her hands above them. He stopped right at beginning of her pussy.

“Get up and bend over on the couch, now.” He demanded and was very determined to show her what she could have if they were together. He still didn’t quite know if she meant what she said but shit... he’ll take it. As she was getting up he smacked her ass giving her more of a little pep in her step, and she didn’t dare to say anything. As she was getting in the position, he got behind her and started to scrip, he just wanted to see her bend from behind, getting some of the action in. Once he did he started to stroke his cock, eyes fully on her pussy from behind and her ass. Her being impatient and hearing his short little breaths, she peaked from her shoulder at him and God was that a sight to see.

“Does that feel good, angel?” His deep voice rumbling within her, he knew he wouldn’t get anything out of her. His dick is big enough to keep anything but moans and groans from escaping. So all she did was nod quickly. The couch was snacking, she was shaking he was pounding into her giving out everything he had built up. “Fuck, I love the sounds my fucking pussy makes.” He gritted. She already knew face down on the couch, ass up and he hammered, Y/n wasn’t even sure she would be able to walk after this. And oh wait— did he say?

He just filled her up to the brim with his cock alone, the thickness and fullness of it alone would fulfill her. God was he good, gripping a handful of hair for a leverage of their position, “Graysonn, don’t stop, please.” She begged and since she asked so nicely he didn’t stop and wasn’t going to until her orgasm had her in tears. “Come on, baby. I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that.” But she couldn’t, her neighbors recently complained about it since their baby was born. But when he was going at it like this, all she could say was “Neighbor. Babies—FUCK!” He understood completely- on both ends. The neighbors that had their baby and that she was gonna cum, he also felt her pussy clench so he knew for a fact. He was already at the edge of his orgasm.

“Did you claim me?” They both coincidentally said at the same time but who was gonna answer it...

A/N: helloo, hope you liked it!! im gonna drown in holy water now :D

[babycharmander]

Things I have learned in my 20+ years of writing fanfic

I’d been thinking about this for a while and figured I’d compile a list, in case other people find it helpful. Keep in mind that what I say here is only my own experiences and tastes and I’ve no intentions of telling you how to write your own stories. So uhhh... let’s go!

1) Different stories require different planning methods. When I was younger, I used to think that I had to use the exact same method for planning each of my stories. Strict outlines on everything! Except... that's not how writing works. Stories are like wild beasts--you can try to tame them, certainly, but as each one is an individual, it may require different methods. Or you may discover that the stories that come to you are ones you can all write in the same way!

But for me personally, I find it best to plan out stories in different ways depending on which one seems to work at the time. One story may require a strict outline, while another may need a very loose roadmap. Other times I can fly from the seat of my pants and finish a story that way, or even use things readers have brought up to help me figure out parts of my story. The point is, don't try to confine yourself to one method of planning. Do what suits your story.

2) When working on a longfic, look for ways to include other characters. This one doesn't apply to every fandom or fic situation (for example, if there's only two main characters in your fandom, or if your characters have a very very very good reason to be isolated), but it's honestly a little bit of a pet peeve of mine when it comes to other stories, though I was guilty of it too when I was younger. I remember writing fics in fandoms where you'd have a large group of characters, but... the fic would only focus on two or three of them. They seemed to exist in a bubble, where no one else outside of that bubble really reacted to what was going on, even if there was no reason why they SHOULDN'T react to this.

For example, say you're working on a longfic for a fandom where there's a group of 5-10 characters (maybe a family, a neighborhood, a team, whatever). In this fic, character A nearly dies, leaving character B devastated at their terrible state and doing everything in their power to take care of A. And then... the rest of the characters don't really do anything, or just avoid the situation for no apparent reason. Once again, it feels like the whole story is taking place in a bubble. I totally get that sometimes you want to just focus on A and B's relationship, but consider how you approach this sort of thing for a longfic. Why not look for ways to include the others?

I'm not saying that means the entire story has to focus on all of those characters if your main intention is to focus on the relationship between A and B. But look for ways to include the others in the group/team/family/neighborhood/town/whatever--show how they're reacting to the situation or what they're actively doing to help or hinder it. Even if you only show one or two scenes per character, it burst the "bubble" effect of your longfic and makes the story richer and the world fuller. Heck, you may even find that you actually enjoy writing those other characters more than you initially thought. Give it a try!

3) In longfics, have specific details in your story that you can potentially bring back later. I'm not entirely sure how to explain this one, but... give your story specific details. Stuff like characters briefly talking about an event from the past, or a character having an item in their possession, or a character happening to know another, or just... anything. Obviously don't fill your stories with unnecessary detail, but sprinkle interesting, specific things in there every so often. You don't have to linger on them or hang a bright flashing arrow next to them to tell the reader "LOOK AT THIS!!!" In fact, you don't even have to come back to them later.

So... why am I telling you to do this?

Because sometimes those specific details will surprise you.

Sometimes you'll be writing part of your story, and then get stuck, and go back and reread something... and then you'll run across one of those details, and it will be the answer to your problem. Sometimes readers will pick up on those details, and voice their own thoughts on them, which might give you an idea for a plot point to bring up later. Sometimes those details wind up being the link between two plot points that you couldn't figure out how to tie together.

Even if they don't wind up doing any of those things, they can just be something to add more life to your story, and make it more memorable for your readers.

4) If your source material has voice acting, keep videos/sound files featuring characters' voices handy. Something I've found that helps me get into a character's head and voice is to just listen to them. In video game fandoms, you're likely to find videos that consist of a character's entire library of voice lines. For show/movie/podcast fandoms, you can of course find videos or sound files in which the characters are talking. If I'm about to write a character for the first time, I'll listen to them talk for a while before I start writing them. Other times, if I'm not certain a line of dialogue sounds like something the character would say, I'll listen to some of their canon dialogue for a bit in order to "refresh" their voice in my head, and see if I can clearly hear them saying the line I wrote.

Sometimes if I'm writing quickly and don't want to stop to listen to their lines, I'll add in a phrase they usually say to the dialogue I'm currently writing--that way I can immediately hear the way they say it in my head, and that will carry to the rest of the dialogue. 

In general, it's just a useful thing for making sure you're getting a character's voice right. (Plus, listening to the dialogue is fun just by itself!)

5) Before posting a longfic, make ABSOLUTELY sure you want to finish it. So, I've written... a lot of longfics. And as a kid, I had a problem where I would get this FANTASTIC IDEA for a longfic, and I would immediately start writing, and immediately start posting, because feedback! Excitement! Gratification! ... and then a few days later I would lose interest and move on to something else. Oops.

When I was in my late teens/early twenties, I decided that sort of behavior wouldn't do, so for a while I would not start posting fics until the entire rough draft of them was complete, and then I would post one chapter a week. And while that worked for a while, it, uh... could only last for so long, because my stories kept getting longer and longer and man you can only go so long writing on your own without really, really wanting some of that sweet sweet feedback.

So... I figured out a compromise.

I would start my longfics. Maybe write out the first few chapters, or write out the notes, however I decided to do it. For some, I would determine that the longfic would be "short" enough that I could finish it before any excitement I had for it burned out. For all the others, I would continue to write them without posting for a while, seeing how long they kept my interest, and maybe show them to some friends. If I started to get really invested in it, then I would (attempt to) create a buffer of chapters, and start posting on a schedule. That schedule... did not always last, but by that point I was usually able to determine that yes, I absolutely did want to see this fic through to the end. Otherwise, the WIP would stay unfinished and unposted until the end of time.

Naturally most of my finished longfics are the epitome of self-indulgence, but hey, that's what fic is for, isn't it?

Speaking of...

6) Always remember that writing fic is FOR FUN. My previous point there? Completely disregard it if you are not having fun writing a story anymore. I've had fic series I started out with full plans to complete them, but after a few years, I lost steam, moved onto different fandoms, and really could not go back. But... that's okay. This is for fun. If I'm not having fun anymore, why should I push myself to keep writing?

Not to say that you should quit writing at the first sign of trouble! Wracking your mind trying to figure out the next part of the story isn't the same thing as losing all enjoyment writing it (unless it is). Usually once you figure out what to write next, you feel that much happier, and can keep going.

Regardless, never lose sight of what you're doing. Writing fanfiction is a hobby, and hobbies should be fun. If you're not having fun, move onto something else. Your readers may whine, but they'll get over it. Sometimes even the feedback isn't enough to keep you going, and that's okay. This is not your job (unless you're actually getting paid for it). This is a hobby. Write what you enjoy.

Well... that's all I've got for now. I may add more stuff to this list later as I remember other things. But there you have it! 

Again, you absolutely don't have to take any of my advice if you don't want to. There's no single right way to write a fanfic! Do what works for you. If you find this stuff helpful, I'm glad. If not, that's okay! Either way, good luck with wherever your pen or keyboard leads you, and have fun writing!

[theunvanquishedzims]

The Michigan Fleet authors posted their AUs so here are mine

theunvanquishedzims: I have SO MANY Boat Boy ideas but I'm sitting on them because I came up with a bunch halfway through the book and they got jossed by the end rollerskatinglizard: Hah! Uhhh, sorry? I think?? theunvanquishedzims: (i.e. Basil gets sad and weepy over Rich and Liam flirting at a party, Trimmer plays fairy godmother a la ripping half his shirt off, giving him a pep talk, and sending him back out there to Win Back His Man) rollerskatinglizard: *whooping* theunvanquishedzims: Jossed so hard rollerskatinglizard:Okay, that's DELIGHTFUL rollerskatinglizard: Trimmer is the most terrifying fairy godmother rollerskatinglizard: Anything else? :Dc theunvanquishedzims: Lemme get my notes rollerskatinglizard: *gleeful wiggling*

theunvanquishedzims: Okay so I stopped reading when the Sympatico grabbed Rich during the storm and it took me a month or so to get back and finish, so I was under the impression that the ship was still being fixed in drydock and not, y'know, actually being crewed and sailed. (Trimmer yelling "just let her sink" hits reeeeeaaaallly different when you know that) rollerskatinglizard: Ahaha oh dang theunvanquishedzims: So the big idea was the gangsters needing something from the Sympatico. Not the general thugs and delinquents crewing the Sympatico but the actual organized crime of the Fleet, who were getting pretty used to using ships like the Sympatico to run their dirty deeds through. Except it's basically impossible to get what they need out of it, even when they drag out one of the old IST guys. He finally tells them Rich was the one who did the heavy lifting for the past few years rollerskatinglizard: Ooooh! rollerskatinglizard: What an interesting idea! theunvanquishedzims: Hang on I need to restart rollerskatinglizard: Ah yes, computers theunvanquishedzims: Sorry, that turned into a dinner break and running errands During which I came up with a couple new AUs theunvanquishedzims: Okay, back to mafia: they track Rich down, probably snag him after he's been out boarding. Off work, not expected back on the ship, tired from all the exercise, etc. They're not overtly threatening, just pick up his skimmer and politely suggest that he comes help them, and he probably goes quietly because there's like, six of them. I'm thinking only one of whom was actually posted on the Sympatico theunvanquishedzims: So they get back to the Sympatico. She's been temporarily decommissioned until the Fleet can fix her broken processes, but that's also a cover story by the mob. They want to clear out all the smuggled goods and information, but she's basically a ghost ship, silent and empty, and even the other IST guy couldn't get more than a few blinking lights. She's sulking basically, she knows they're not there to fix her so she's digging in her heels and playing dead. Like a toddler going ragdoll when they don't want to go to bed. theunvanquishedzims: They explain to Rich that they can't get a response and want him to take a crack at it. "Has she said anything?" "Who?" "The Sympatico." "...we didn't talk to it." "Well that's half your problem right there." theunvanquishedzims: At this point you should watch Show Yourself from Frozen 2, and the crystal scene from Atlantis the Lost Empire. Stepping into the place you've been called, making your presence known, and having a greater power reach out for you. Shiny lights, chasing the spark of life to its source, and having the power consume and embody you. Rich is used to it but it's probably pretty freaky from the outside, and way less magical-looking than a Disney movie. Probably more like when Magneto activated the machine in the first X-Men movie. Step up, turn it on, and suddenly it's sucking the life out of you, making you a living battery theunvanquishedzims: In my head I am picturing the glowing blue eyes, lights cracking along the skin like lightning or circuit patterns, the implants glowing in his temples, standing at a terminal like a star trek deck, maybe a faint breeze-like movement of the hair and clothes to indicate the sheer power radiating off of him. In reality it's probably more like he falls down, gets up, stumbles along to a good spot out of the weather, and curls up in a secluded defensible spot to stare emptily at the wall for a few hours while lights randomly go on and off around the ship theunvanquishedzims: Just being trailed by six very wary mafia dudes who have probably never seen someone mind-meld a ship, and definitely not solo. He's like a zombie, and when he does talk it's very clear he's talking for the both of them theunvanquishedzims: If any of them are in sync with the ship they definitely feel the !!!Rich you're back!!! vibe theunvanquishedzims: No idea how that resolves, I guess it depends on how powerful the mafia is. If they're the kind of entrenched criminals who are ongoing characters, then they have Rich scrub out what they need then dump him back on his skimmer to face the fallout alone. He might report it to the spooks? Or at least try to tell Basil and Mitch theunvanquishedzims: If they're not recurring characters then they were definitely being tracked by the spooks, who move in once the Sympatico comes back online. Rich has to answer some very tough questions but he cooperates fully and winds up digging up a LOT of dirt out of the Sympatico, now that the mafia showed him where to look. It's another one of the super traumatizing moments that makes him look cool and heroic. Oh yeah, totally got kidnapped, single-handedly piloted a ship, and helped bust the mafia, please stop talking about it, I need a nap, and also someone to go with me next time I go boarding. theunvanquishedzims: (And then I finished reading the book and found out that the Sympatico had a new crew and was out on the water with her AI still fried and broken, how did no one notice that)

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theunvanquishedzims: Okay I don't have Trimmer's voice well enough to write this fic so I'm feeding it to you raw: Trucker AU theunvanquishedzims: Rich is a long-haul trucker, much to the disappointment of his elder sister Angela, who is in law enforcement and thought he had a decent future in it too. Athena is a pro wrestler and totally down to support her brother traveling the country (and hopefully being in the same city as him sometime, she wants him to see her kick ass!) Rich wants to pursue a degree in [tech or engineering] but college is expensive, and trucking is a good way to make money, on top of which you don't have to pay rent when you're on the road. So he's saving up for school, probably listening to a lot of audiobooks, podcasts, and training guides while chugging along. theunvanquishedzims: Not nearly as bad or sketchy as the Sympatico, but life on the road can get pretty sketch sometimes, especially when you're alone. Enter Trimmer. Or rather, enter Rich into the middle-of-nowhere trucker stopover bar where Trimmer is getting his ass kicked. theunvanquishedzims: (Gonna go ahead and say the bar is called the Sympatico, and this is a very bad night to be there, which is saying something because any night at the Sympatico is a bad night to be there.) theunvanquishedzims: Fortunately, Rich is not trapped there by the cold uncaring waters of Lake Michigan, he can just turn around and leave when he sees the nightly fight brewing. Unfortunately, he has a weakness for cute twinks, and no matter how much the guy is insulting their mothers four on one is really not fair, so he winds up wading in, scooping Trimmer up, and murder-stalking to the exit theunvanquishedzims: [At this point I pause to stare out the window and wonder wistfully what their canon meeting was like, who approached who, if Trimmer just straight-up used his lunch to hire a bodyguard or if Rich did the "are you gonna finish that" puppy-eyes and Trimmer realized how easily he could be bribed, etc etc] theunvanquishedzims: In the Trucker AU Trimmer waits until they're outside to go feral goblin on the arm that's holding him, Rich drops him, and negotiation commences theunvanquishedzims: I don't have Trimmer's backstory nailed down, the "teenage runaway" archetype doesn't really suit someone with a large loving family, but safe to say that whatever lead him to hitchhiking across the Midwest he is determined to see through out of sheer bullheaded stubbornness. The only thing worse than calling your parents to bail you out with bus money home is calling your grandma. It might have involved stabbing a college advisor when the guy got rapey, he's technically not on the run from the law, he DEFINITELY is not on track to getting his degree. Halfway between college dropout and missing person. If he was wealthy he'd be backpacking Europe for a semester, but he's not, so he's hitchhiking America. And getting molested by truckers, because Trimmer can't have nice things. theunvanquishedzims: He is really not interested in getting molested by Rich! But, as Rich points out, he did just save him from getting stabbed, Trimmer doesn't seem to have any exit options for this backwater town, and holy #&$^ the bar's on fire. (The Sympatico burns to the ground that night, to the betterment of the world at large.) rollerskatinglizard: You have no idea how much I'm enjoying this But you should totally post it Splick and Roach would both scream in glee theunvanquishedzims: Rich and Trimmer get out while the getting is good, and it's nearly dawn before they finally hash out details. Rich offers to drop him off at the next town, but they're still pretty close to the epicenter of the mass exodus so the next few hundred miles are probably not going to be safe for Trimmer. By this point Trimmer has found a bunch of the old textbooks Rich bought secondhand to study in his free time and come to the conclusion that [this nerd is a nerd] his story checks out. Just a college kid trying to scrape together the cash to get an education and make a decent living. Reminds Trimmer of Trimmer. (Reminds Trimmer of Joey.) rollerskatinglizard: ;u; <3 Beautiful theunvanquishedzims: So now Rich has a little traveling buddy! Helps him stay awake on the long hauls, lets him use the carpool lanes, even reads to him out of the textbooks sometimes, with commentary. Trimmer is really smart and surprisingly easy to get along with. They nap in the cab, eat in diners, and share motel rooms. Trimmer unclenches a little. Rich is good about not asking personal questions. They definitely watch Athena's fights on tv more than once, much to Rich's chagrin and Trimmer's loud encouragement. He started fanboying over it to annoy and embarrass Rich, but it is surprisingly cathartic to watch someone get trash-talked and respond by just BODYSLAMMING their opponent. ("Why are you rooting for her, you're the biggest trash-talker I know," Rich mutters into his beer, face bright red as Trimmer whoops and high-fives the waitress he got to change the channel in the sports bar.) theunvanquishedzims: ("She would wipe the floor with me," Trimmer responds with a smirk, watching smugly as Rich tries to figure out if Trimmer is having impure thoughts about his baby sister) theunvanquishedzims: (They have already established that Trimmer does not have impure thoughts about Rich, that Rich DOES have impure thoughts about Trimmer, but as long as he stays in his own motel bed that's fine.) (Trimmer still sleeps with a knife under his pillow but doesn't bother in the cab, where their co-naps occasionally verge on snuggling.) rollerskatinglizard: <3 <3 <3 *perfect* theunvanquishedzims: They finally reach their destination. It has been [days to drive a rig between NJ and CA] and they make it there slightly ahead of schedule. Rich drops off the delivery, Trimmer comes face-to-face with the reality of the trip ending. He'd been hitchhiking for months and felt like he was going nowhere, and now a few days and suddenly he's crossed the entire country, and almost kinda maybe had fun doing it! And California's as good a place as any to stay, at least he won't freeze to death if he doesn't find a place to crash for the night. theunvanquishedzims: Then Rich comes back and hands him a wad of cash, pocketing a stack of his own. "Got a cash bonus for finishing early! And since you're the reason I made it here this fast, I just figured part of it is your share..." he peters out, trying to explain his reasoning. They sit in silence for a while, both thinking about Trimmer in California, far away from anyone who would want to hurt him, with a few hundred dollars in his pocket. theunvanquishedzims: "...Let's get lunch," Trimmer finally decrees, and Rich can't keep the relieved smile off his face. They renegotiate some things over lunch, and then go to pick up the next load to haul cross-country. Together. rollerskatinglizard: AWWWWWW!!!! *YES,* I love it!!! theunvanquishedzims: And then eventually they go to college together, and get their degrees, and good jobs, and meet the families, and Trimmer absolutely drags Rich to as many of Athena's fights as they can manage on the road. It's just to save money, things are cheaper when you split the rent, Trimmer hollers on the phone. You put a ring on that boy's finger, y'hear?! Hellbender hollers back. I am so glad the word moirail exists rollerskatinglizard: YES God yes Also this AU pleases me greatly rollerskatinglizard: Blessings upon you for it theunvanquishedzims: ...technically the Michigan Fleet takes place in a post-Homestuck world, so theoretically it could have time to enter mainstream lexicon. It's better than "bromance" theunvanquishedzims: JUST THROWING THAT OUT THERE >.> rollerskatinglizard: Yeah, totally different feel than bromance!

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theunvanquishedzims: Speaking of Homestuck! Wanna hear the Helmsman AU? :3 rollerskatinglizard: YES PLEASE theunvanquishedzims: Okay gimme a minute to get my notes, it's not based on One of Our Submarines but I can't remember the fic title. Have you read the one where the kids redesign the helmsrig and use that to garner support for Feferi as Empress? Lots of political drama, Sollux-centric, [spoiler], and in the end they win *but at what cost* (((If someone knows what fic I'm talking about please link me, I can't find it.))) rollerskatinglizard: No, I haven't theunvanquishedzims: It's good, if you like the nitty-gritty of rebellions. The piece I'm cherry picking is the new Empress introducing a new way of helming that allows more freedom. Instead of a single enslaved lowblood being hung up in tentacle wires until they drop dead, it's something you can unplug from, allowing psionics to swap out, take shifts, etc. So Empress Clearwater (yay seadweller name) is dead, long live Empress Clearwater, and she shakes things up by introducing her new helmsrig and orders it implemented Fleet-wide theunvanquishedzims: I don't think this universe is as bad as canon but it's still pretty rough on the bad ships, and the Sympatico is a very bad ship theunvanquishedzims: Angie is still a security officer, probably fairly high-ranking as a greenblood. Athena is a pro wrestler. Sports are probably a bigger part of life in a Fleet that doesn't center around conquest. The three probably grew up in the same neighborhood, maybe dabbled in quadrants before settling on hatefriends. Oooh, or ash, Athena setting them up to talk out their issues over lunch and then heckle each other over their other quadrants could fit in that quadrant. theunvanquishedzims: Rich is, of course, a helmsman. It's rare for someone that close to jade to be so powerful, he was actually planning on a career in tech, but when he got called in for psionic testing he basically crushed it. Possibly literally. And olive is still technically a lowblood, so off to the helm with you. theunvanquishedzims: His first posting is the Sympatico, and it's a nightmare. The one bright spot (dark spot? How do trolls even. *insert rant about Kanaya being pastel goth not goth-goth*) theunvanquishedzims: The one bright spot is Trimmer, a technician whose survival method is to lock himself in the helm dock and stab anybody who tries to mess with Rich when he's piloting. It's basically how things work in the superstorms, but 75-90% of the time instead of a few times a year theunvanquishedzims: Rich can barely talk most days, they communicate via chat client, and even that requires a lot of brainpower so they can't do it when the Sympatico has to fight something or do difficult maneuvers in space, which is pretty frequently. But Rich keeps an eye out for Trimmer, directing him through the ship to help him avoid people and fights, and tweaking things like hall lights when things get hairy. I think at least once he turned off the gravity, it cost him but it got Trimmer out of a really bad situation and gave him an excuse to hole up in the helmsdeck for a few days until things cooled off theunvanquishedzims: But all that is in the past! There's a new Empress, a new crew, and a new way of helming! theunvanquishedzims: The Sympatico is one of the flagships to roll out the new helmsrig. The original crew was disbanded, culled, reassigned. Trimmer was allowed to stay (at Rich's request) to ease the transition. It's a big day, lots of media attention documenting the new helmsmen, and Rich is doing his best to keep calm. He had to do some physical therapy to stand upright and be able to walk from the big speech to his shiny new helmsrig, but as a fairly young recruit he's not nearly as bad off as some older helmsmen whose bodies have atrophied. He's still pretty skinny though, especially when compared to Angie and Athena, who he reunited with (for the cameras) #helmsmenaretrollstoo, #greenc3<green, #omgishipit, see things are much better now, people can reclaim their lives and quadrants, helming is something to be excited for not scared of, etc. Lots of propaganda, lots of attention, lots of pressure to get this right theunvanquishedzims: And then he walks into the helm and Trimmer is there. Rich would probably have had a meltdown if he hadn't been, but no one can tell because they're so calm and professional. They're both cleaned up and impeccably uniformed, the plugging in goes smoothly, and the Sympatico comes to life and lifts off into the sky into a sunset that would make a Hollywood director weep. The cameras turn off, great job everybody, and things return to normal. Except Rich and Trimmer have no idea how to handle normal. For the first 8 hours it's fine, it's good, it's a little weird that Trimmer looks so tidy and that Rich is sitting in a padded chair instead of being flesh-jacked by tentacles, but it's fine. They chat over text, a little stilted but plenty to catch up on theunvanquishedzims: Rich spies on the new crew and gossips about how boring they are and how weird the ship looks with everything cleared out and well-lit, and wow where did that section of storage come from? Oh right that used to be a hidden smuggling nook. Haha nook. See they're fine, they're laughing at the same old jokes. DEFINITELY weird that Rich is physically laughing. And then their relief shift comes on, with the new 2nd shift helmsman, and it's time for Rich to get unplugged for the day and go. Go to his room, which he has now, or to eat, which he can do now, or any one of a million things that normal trolls do, because he's a normal troll now. (This is turning out a little different from in my head but I like it.) He makes it about two hallways, walking silently side-by-side with Trimmer, before he breaks down. Or rather Trimmer breaks down. Or maybe they both simultaneously break, there is a lot of breaking happening, and it's not great that it's happening in the hall where anybody could walk by and where the new helmsman is almost certainly seeing them and possibly reporting them, and Trimmer's flight instincts are to run back to the helm where it's safe but Rich isn't there, RICH was the reason it was safe and he's not at the helm, he's right there in the hall. Rich, I know not how, picks up Trimmer and gets them to him room. It' close by, thank goodness, and it has a lock on the door, how weird, and Trimmer is there. He missed Trimmer so so much. rollerskatinglizard: ;u; <3<3<3<3 theunvanquishedzims: [The following scene contains content too graphic for wigglers under the age of seven sweeps] rollerskatinglizard: *laughing* Hardcore conciliation!!! theunvanquishedzims: From Trimmer's POV: Merrill requested him to remain a tech on the Sympatico. Makes sense, he was the only one who treated the guy like an actual troll and not a drooling mass of computational power. They got caught up, it's weird how clean and quiet the ship is, no fights to report beyond a spat in the cafeteria that turned out to be pitch flirtation. His shirtcuffs itch and he wants to roll them up but it's day one of the new empire and he doesn't want to get culled for being untidy on the Empress's pet project ship. There's so many other things to get culled for, anyway. And then shift is over. (Weird, he's used to working 16-hour days and sleeping in the helmdeck half the time.) And he has to unplug Merrill (double weird, he's not used to touching Merrill unless it's for a physical repair. Very aware of Rich as a physical person, especially when he's standing up and not obscured in a mass of tentacles.) And then they leave, together, which is WEIRD, because for sweeps Trimmer has been sneaking out of the helmdeck to go on a food run with Merrill texting him directions, and there's no Merrill on screen providing guidance to avoid fights, but there's not gonna BE any fights, and everything is the same but different and looks weird and shiny and there's a giant troll right next to him, stalking him, why didn't Merrill warn him?! rollerskatinglizard: Oh NO, ahaha, oh these poor doofuses theunvanquishedzims: From Rich's POV: he's been seeing these hallways for sweeps, but not from this angle, the ship is so familiar but so foreign to him, and he can't hear her, can't feel her, and he keeps reaching out for her even after all that training he did to get used to the new tech, there's still an absence and some part of his brain that says not being linked to the ship means something has gone catastrophically wrong and everyone onboard is going to die, TRIMMER is going to die, Trimmer is freaking out and hyperventilating next to him, Trimmer's running out of oxygen and the ship isn't responding to him to tell him what's wrong with the oxygen, and then Trimmer goes to bolt back to the helm but that's full of strange trolls and a new helmsman, and that knowledge is enough to shake him back to the situation at hand. He doesn't know where he finds the strength or the presence of mind, but he manages to grab up Trimmer and get them back to safety. It's just that safety is now his berth, not the helm. They're alone in his berth. And Trimmer is still freaking out. Sh-shoosh? Shoosh. Shooooooosh. theunvanquishedzims: Everything is diamonds and snow and beautiful shining crystals (in the movies that will someday be made about this day.) In the moment there's a lot more hyperventilating and snot. Basically, culmination behind the entire fic: do they actually have feelings for each other, or was it just about mutual survival the whole time? rollerskatinglizard: INCREDIBLY ADORABLE AND INTIMATE COMFORT, *YESSSS* Thank you yes, I'll have a dozen God that's splendid theunvanquishedzims: And they're both freaking out, Rich is hungry and physically tired and needs to do a lot of stretches, Trimmer is not used to Rich being huge and mobile and right next to him, and they both have crazy big trust issues, but...yeah, they're pale. They're so pale for each other, and it was so hard during the transition not seeing each other and not knowing how the other felt, not knowing how THEY felt, if they really had feelings or if it was all a bad situation. And now they know. They have feelings. And because they're trolls and not humans, they can flop on a pile and talk about those feelings in a non-platonic way, and Rich can pet Trimmer's hair and tell him how pretty he is and how Rich is glad that Trimmer got it properly cut instead of just hacking it too short for someone to grab, and how much he worried in the hall about not being able to see farther than his own field of vision to keep Trimmer out of harm's way, and how this whole thing is so weird and Rich is so scared but he's just really, really happy that Trimmer took the posting on the Sympatico, because he pities Trimmer and he wants him around and he was so glad that Trimmer wanted to still be around him too theunvanquishedzims: The media always depicts piling as either the traditional fairytale highblood freakout, or an extremely mellow ASMR-ish chillout with lots of hairpetting and horn polishing. Not two midbloods looting a mostly-empty room for enough junk to make a large enough pile to sit on, shrieking at each other about their feelings and how weird this is and why didn't you SAY something, me?! why didn't YOU say something?! Three SWEEPS we've been dancing around this! Well I didn't know if you felt the same way or if you just needed me to survive! Etc etc etc. Lots of getting up and stomping around , pacing the floor while ranting, trying to scavenge more stuff to throw on the pile. Rich owns basically nothing and it's the first time he's not judging Trimmer for keeping his room a garbage heap, even empty pizza boxes would be better than trying to make a pile out of two sweaters and a toothbrush. rollerskatinglizard: XDDD TuT aaaaah, YES theunvanquishedzims: Rich definitely rips off a wall panel and pulls out some wires, Trimmer doesn't even question it, they've lived and breathed this ship long enough to know what every wire does and which are nonessential to ship functioning. And with the wall panel crunched up they can pile stuff around it to make it seem less sparse, and wow it doesn't even matter that he pulled a panel down, this is HIS wall in HIS room now, he can "redecorate" as he sees fit, cue more yelling about how he doesn't know what to do with himself or his newfound freedom. The whole thing is just yelling and cussing and grabbing and shaking. It probably looks black from the outside, but they are swimming in palest cream. theunvanquishedzims: Eventually they give up on the pile. They go through Rich's entire perigee of snack rations to avoid having to go to the cafeteria, halfheartedly make fun of Rich's chewing, then crawl into the recuperacoon together. Thank goodness there was such a big push to show off how great helmsmen's lives will be, Rich scored a blueblood-huge 'coon and he's still skinny enough that they can both fit in it together. They sleep together, in sopor like proper trolls with proper lives as opposed to surrounded by pink tentacles and misery. Tomorrow they'll have to venture out for food, and do Rich's stretches and physical therapy, and head to their shift like the galaxy hasn't flipped upside-down, but they're handle that together. rollerskatinglizard: Oh help, my heart!! TuT It's SO CUTE, AAAAAAAH theunvanquishedzims: Okay my computer has been trying to shut down for the last three paragraphs so I think it's time to log off for the night, but I hope you enjoy the AUs, I will tell you more tomorrow rollerskatinglizard: Thank you so much!! Have a good night! theunvanquishedzims: (In the original version Rich and Trimmer came face-to-face for the first time since the Sympatico was busted up and Rich pulled out for rehab, and basically had a giant pale meltdown right there against the wall. There was purring, and crying, and confessions, all caught on film. Athena and Angie definitely saw. It had to be censored out of the broadcast. Someone uploaded it to Troll Pornhub and it won a Troll Pornhub Emmy for Truth in Journalism, which was not a category the Troll Pornhub Emmys had before, so congrats Merrill and Trimmer) rollerskatinglizard: *dying* oh my GOD Rich would blush so hard he'd keel over

_________________________________________

theunvanquishedzims: I woke up to the idea of Rich as Fezzik and Trimmer as Inigo Montoya (book version.) rollerskatinglizard: Hah! Oh man, delightful theunvanquishedzims: Soft-hearted giant and stabby little friend rollerskatinglizard: Yesss theunvanquishedzims: Only problem is Trimmer's grudge seems to be against the entire world, not any particular murderer theunvanquishedzims: But they could definitely take on the Zoo of Death together rollerskatinglizard: It could be both, in the AU! Specific grudge and also he hates everyone theunvanquishedzims: Instead of not being left-handed he pulls his feet out of his boots and surprise! More hands to stab you with Makes the acrobatics on top of the cliff more exciting rollerskatinglizard: *dying* YES Perfect! theunvanquishedzims: I don't know who the Man in Black of most beautiful woman in the world would be, but Rich catching them jumping out a window to whisk them away on horseback is lovely rollerskatinglizard: *strokes chin thoughtfully* If Rich is Fezzik, I think Basil might as well be the beautiful love interest, and Mitch is his farm boy turned dashing rogue theunvanquishedzims: Mitch and Trimmer sword fighting rollerskatinglizard: YES theunvanquishedzims: Mitch going through hell and back to save his lady love, then Rich shows up with the horses and says "hello pretty lady" and Basil is just swooning over him rollerskatinglizard: Mitch is pretty chill with Rich by then, he can handle sharing Rich didn't try *hard* to kill him, after all theunvanquishedzims: He even made it a fair fight instead of ambushing him He put down the rock and Mitch put down the sword and they tried to kill each other like civilized people rollerskatinglizard: *laughing* Yes, exactly theunvanquishedzims: Rich even helped bring him back from being mostly dead rollerskatinglizard: They're practically best buddies now! theunvanquishedzims: Which I imagine is 1000x funnier because Trimmer hates this guy and doesn't want to help him but he has info Trimmer needs rollerskatinglizard: Rich just being reprovingly like Come on, buddy, he's cool really I KNOW you bonded over your sword fight with him Don't lie Trimmer: HE'S STILL A DIPSHIT theunvanquishedzims: Trimmer: It was a little fun to take the boots off I guess, I don't get to do that often rollerskatinglizard: Hahaha yes theunvanquishedzims: Downside of being the best swordsman in the world, nobody can touch you. UNTIL NOW. Trimmer: I killed the guy but now I have nothing to live for. Mitch: Have you considered piracy? Stabbing people all day and all the rope ladders you can climb rollerskatinglizard: *dying* theunvanquishedzims: Now Trimmer's life goal is to reclaim his title of Best Swordsman, which means fighting Mitch a lot rollerskatinglizard: Which they both enjoy Sometimes Trimmer wins, sometimes Mitch does rollerskatinglizard: Roach points out that Liam would be Miracle Max theunvanquishedzims: I was just about to type that! rollerskatinglizard: Heee! Good brain wave theunvanquishedzims: You need a cure for death? Nope, sorry. You need to it humiliate my mortal enemy? Coming right up! rollerskatinglizard: YUP theunvanquishedzims: Slipping Rich the holocaust cloak "because it fits so nice" rollerskatinglizard: Pfff yes theunvanquishedzims: Which is said with a million more winky faces than the movie rollerskatinglizard: XDDD Naturally Liam is a much higher-libido mad scientist-substitute theunvanquishedzims: He doesn't have a wife he has like six boyfriend minions hanging around in various states of undress. He got fired for banging the king when he was the royal miracle man, he did a good job but the prince found it icky. rollerskatinglizard: *dying* YES theunvanquishedzims: Basil as Buttercup tho. Basil: Mitch is a good friend. :) Just a great buddy. :)) Kind of smelly but a nice boy. :))) Someone: *might possibly find Mitch attractive* Basil: What? Why. No. Why would she. I mean yeah he's smart and muscular and tan and broad-shouldered and has perfect teeth and his sweat glistens in the sun as he does his chores shirtless, but c'mon, he's not THAT much hotter than her middle-aged husband. No way. rollerskatinglizard: *snickering* rollerskatinglizard: My cowriters very enjoy this AU concept, btw, thank you theunvanquishedzims: Excellent theunvanquishedzims: Trimmer: I told him I was there to kill him and he just...ran away? Mitch: Who does that? rollerskatinglizard: *snickering* theunvanquishedzims: Basil being a slobby peasant until two minutes after Mitch leaves, then realizing he has to take care of himself if he wants to keep Mitch's attention, and only then starting to regularly bathe and brush his hair and work on his figure. rollerskatinglizard: Snirk! Sounds about right, doofus nerd that he is theunvanquishedzims: Then he becomes a princess and has two servants per limb to keep him clean and shining, so when Mitch sneaks into the wedding announcement crowd his first view of Basil is 1. clean 2. shiny hair 3. dressed like a queen

_______________________________

General book chit-chat, no specific AU

theunvanquishedzims: I saw the post about the Sympatico crew having a very different view of Rich than his friends and now I am consumed with the idea of Rich being seen as scary by anyone who knows him for more than a single minute. Like, he flinches at the sight of a uniform, he can't stand to be in a room with more than one other person in it, and he's so busy working he doesn't really have time to go around carving out a territory rollerskatinglizard: Right? You'd think it'd be tricky, but apparently no theunvanquishedzims: And now there's video of him covered in kittens, and doing cool board tricks, and pretending a little barbel is too heavy to lift, and also he might be in the news for taking down a murderous conspiracy at the Mall. rollerskatinglizard: *laughing* Indeed theunvanquishedzims: Where did big scary monster Merrill go, who is this marshmallow rollerskatinglizard: What scam is he trying to run?!? theunvanquishedzims: Oooh, I pity the fool who is assigned to a boat with Officer Merrill. Double flinch response rollerskatinglizard: RIGHT? *OH SHIT, THERE'S ANOTHER ONE* And she's ARMED theunvanquishedzims: Try to blow off some steam by watching some wrestling, A THIRD ONE rollerskatinglizard: Some poor dumbass who sneered at Trimmer once ends up hiding out on a penny boat bc there's MERRILLS EVERYWHERE, IT'S NOT SAFE OUT THERE theunvanquishedzims: *dying laughing* I imagine a non-terrible Sympatico crew member meeting reformed Rich is like those Very Special Episodes where the hero's high school bully or childhood bad influence friend comes to town, and they're so nice and friendly and apologetic about what happened back in the day rollerskatinglizard: We actually have an encounter something like that planned! theunvanquishedzims: The hero's friends are all charmed and the hero can't convince anyone that it's all an act, he's secretly still terrible, look I'll prove it *does something that makes the hero look bad and the reformed guy look like a victim* Yaaaaaaaaay!!! Outside perspective is the BEST rollerskatinglizard: Rich and this random dude, both acting like the other one is a total menace Meanwhile, anyone who's known either of them since is like ....No?? He's a fine guy, perfectly reasonable Merrill, stop growling theunvanquishedzims: Two Spider-Men pointing at each other rollerskatinglizard: Hah! Yes theunvanquishedzims: Also the fact that Rich has gotten BIGGER since leaving the Sympatico is probably a shock rollerskatinglizard: OH yeah theunvanquishedzims: Richard "Cranky Because He's Slowly Starving To Death" Merrill rollerskatinglizard: I mean, it's a shock to Rich When he hits another growth spurt So it's definitely a shock to anyone else theunvanquishedzims: Oh yeah, he was like 17 when he was first assigned there, nowhere near done growing yet Richard "My Shirts Rip When I Flex Wrong" Merrill rollerskatinglizard: *snickering* He'd look so sheepish and disgruntled if someone gave him that "I flexed and the sleeves fell off" shirt theunvanquishedzims: I am so glad Trimmer got to him before, like, a gang could figure out he's easily bribed with food. Things could have gone so much worse, corruption-wise rollerskatinglizard: YUP theunvanquishedzims: I just finished Athena and the Midnight Chicken and WOW Rich was actually kind of close to giving in to peer pressure there, if Athena hadn't thrown herself towards the proverbial sword he might have let himself be talked into something he really didn't want to do. rollerskatinglizard: It's possible! Baby Rich is very weak to peer pressure theunvanquishedzims: If they had been smart and manipulative and laid the groundwork first it would have been even easier, not just "here's a knife let your ingrained killing instincts do the work" rollerskatinglizard: Yeah! It could've gone much worse theunvanquishedzims: In the wrong hands Rich would make a very good, very sad soldier But like, deep down inside sad where no one could see it. rollerskatinglizard: That was actually close to his original story when I came up with him

[I’ll check with Skates to see if it’s okay to post that bit]

theunvanquishedzims: I'm already nervous about those two Horrible Old Men rollerskatinglizard: Which two? theunvanquishedzims: My face went D: at the idea that there's more than two rollerskatinglizard: *pats u gently* theunvanquishedzims: The werewolf guy with the boys on leashes is the one that makes my instincts scream KILL IT WITH FIRE, but there's also the one with the scar on his face? I wanna say Arthur Carroway rollerskatinglizard: >u> Gosh, Zims, idk WHY you'd be worried about him Just bc my tablet keyboard knows how to spell Carraway That's no reason to be concerned! rollerskatinglizard: Maybe Splick made him the [tarot] Devil bc he's devilishly handsome! Did you think of that?? theunvanquishedzims: I am terrified of him showing up, I know I'll be cringing too hard to keep reading right away. Men who abuse positions of power are so squicky, I couldn't even stand to watch the Office and Michael Scott is like, the most benign example of the trope But yeah a guy like that getting to Rich as a younger more mallable person, fresh-faced and eager to please. Ugh. Such a bad ending. rollerskatinglizard: YUP theunvanquishedzims: William Sandgren is the other one, I think rollerskatinglizard: Fortunately Rich did get rescued originally! I don't do sad endings theunvanquishedzims: He looks cool, I don't immediately want him dead for my own safety rollerskatinglizard: <u< theunvanquishedzims: ...I will ignore that face and continue to think of him as the lesser of two evils for now rollerskatinglizard: Absolutely feel free! ^u^ theunvanquishedzims: When I thought about this earlier I imagined Liam actually being the one to start a pissing contest with Arthur. Rich guy vs criminal guy, my grandmother bedazzled the skulls of her enemies, your teeth would make a lovely necklace, etc etc "Well I'd love to get them around your throat" ;) rollerskatinglizard: You know Liam QUITE well theunvanquishedzims: I'm a visual learner, so all the illustrations are helping me flesh out characteristics. Liam smiling like a psycho while his face drips blood is very telling. rollerskatinglizard: Hah!!! Right? God, he's SUCH a little firebrand theunvanquishedzims: (Also, AU where Liam is the babydoll heir and Rich is the soldier mod bodyguard he climbs like a tree) rollerskatinglizard: We have definitely discussed that AU thoughtfully >u> It's good, v tasty theunvanquishedzims: Rich is all THIS GOES AGAINST THE RULES and Liam is all oh you like being told what to do hmm? >:3~ rollerskatinglizard: Rich: God this is SUCH a bad idea, I'm gonna get so fired Liam: Not if you're good enough at it! theunvanquishedzims: I imagine without a pregnancy they'd be able to keep it under wraps slightly longer than grandma Beaker rollerskatinglizard: True! theunvanquishedzims: "Under wraps" like everyone in the house can't hear them rollerskatinglizard: Pffff YUP theunvanquishedzims: Ugh now I'm remembering Trimmer being scared of Rich getting drunk and pushy and I'm sad again rollerskatinglizard: No one likes Rich's drinking except Rich rollerskatinglizard: It's okay tho, Trimmer trusts Rich more after that theunvanquishedzims:I think he'll figure it out given enough time. Rich: Well everyone drinks because work sucks. Basil and Mitch: Nope! Rich: Well I'm a soldier mod so it just LOOKS like I'm drinking a lot. Angie and Thena: Nope! Rich: Well I have trauma from the Sympatico so I need alcohol to deal with that. Trimmer: Nope! Rich: ...well I guess I have a problem then. :< Everyone: Yep! rollerskatinglizard: Indeed theunvanquishedzims: I am so curious about their origins, how the relationship developed, how apparently they had half a handjob between them and went NOPE NEVER AGAIN, how they wound up co-sleeping, if they ever cried on one another, etc etc rollerskatinglizard: I'm 100% certain that Rich cried on Trimmer at least once, while Trimmer awkwardly patted his hair and gently called him a wuss or something If Trimmer ever cried it would've been in the middle of the night, and none of them would ever mention it in the light of day theunvanquishedzims: Was that Trimmer's first posting? I know it was Rich's, so he kiiiind of didn't know any better, but Trimmer is older by a bit rollerskatinglizard: It definitely wasn't Trimmer's first, no, the latest in a long string of postings that went from okay to bad to worse theunvanquishedzims: Oh nooooooo No wonder he finally said screw it and got a solo boat rollerskatinglizard: Yep

[emmy-writes-sometimes]

Happiest Place on Earth

You’ve had a rough go of it recently. Your boyfriend, Chris, schemes with your boss to give you the vacation you deserve.

-

           You couldn’t lie. Your day got a million times better when you saw Chris’s contact picture light up your phone. It was a picture you’d taken of him at the beach, smiling as he held Dodger in one arm and your old dog in the other, and it made your heart melt like anything in the Los Angeles summer sun. You picked up the phone right away, walking away from where everyone was editing.

           “Hey,” Chris’s voice said brightly. “How’s my favorite girl doin’?”

           “Not great,” you responded honestly. “A bunch of files got corrupted, so then we had to get different cuts, and that means re-shoots, which means more work, and…” You sighed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be complaining.”

           “It’s okay to get frustrated. I was going to ask when you think you’ll be done this afternoon?”

           “I don’t know, maybe seven? I know that ruins dinner, but…”

           “I’ll take care of it, don’t worry about it. Just get home when you can, bubba, alright?” You melted again at his sweet nickname for you and sat down at your desk, flicking your Nomad Steve bobble-head that you’d gotten as a joke when you’d started dating Chris.

           “Okay. I’m sorry.”

           “Don’t say that, you’re just doing your job. I’ll see you around seven-thirty, okay?”

           “Okay.”

           “I love you.”

           “I love you too.” He hung up a second later and you rolled your chair back over to the large computer where everyone was reviewing footage. You were lucky enough to get a job in Boston right after you finished working with Marvel, so while you had an amazing job editing, it took the life out of you. Computers were finicky, and you’d just lost half of what you’d done so far because someone had dropped the hard drive and corrupted everything. You were about to cry and it was barely 10 AM. But you loved it, so you stayed, despite all of the bad. You just wanted to see this video get edited, even if it took until the middle of the night.

           Chris sighed as he hung up the phone on you. He could hear in your voice that you were frustrated beyond belief. An idea popped into his head and he scrolled through his phone until he found the phone number he was looking for. Your boss, Jenna, had gone to school with Chris, and he just so happened to have her number. She answered right away, and Chris explained everything. That you were completely burned out, your fifteen year-old dog had died last month, and that even though you desperately needed a vacation you weren’t going to do it yourself. So he took ten out of the twenty-five PTO days you’d saved up over the past year, since they rolled over and you hadn’t taken a vacation the last year or the six months before that when you first started. Your boss said she’d send you home at seven even if you weren’t done and she’d send an intern to take your spot for a few days, and Chris grinned to himself as he hung up.

           He went directly to his computer and the website auto-filled before he even typed the entire thing in. He picked out the resort that your family used to stay at when you were kids, hoping he remembered it correctly, and he calculated how much time it would take to drive there and back because he knew you would be even angrier at him if he spent money on last-minute plane tickets. Then he got tickets, one for each park, and a whole extra day for the Star Wars park because he knew you were excited to go, and typed in his credit card. Would you be pissed? Probably. But would it be worth it when he drove through the gates and saw you smile? Definitely.

           You were a little alarmed when your boss sent you home, especially with that grin on her face that meant something was going on, and you tried not to be suspicious. You got to the house to see that the SUV had moved – you’d taken Chris’s car that morning, since he wasn’t planning to go anywhere, but he must have because it was backed in close to the back gate. You stuck your hands in your coat, locking the car in your pocket, and went in the front door. Dodger greeted you like he always did, jumping up on one of your legs until he could see that you weren’t hiding a treat in your hand. You greeted him with ear scratches before deciding to look for Chris.

           “Chris?” You asked. You saw him coming up the basement stairs and walked over to him. He was holding your laundry, which he usually complained about doing. “Why are you doing my laundry? Did you break something? Are you trying to butter me up?”

           “Not everything is about you, sweetheart,” he said as he put the white bin down. He greeted you with a kiss that he just smiled into.

           “Why are you so smiley?”

           “Can’t a guy smile at his girl?”

           “Nope, not you. Spill, Chris, what did you do?” He giggled, actually giggled, and took your hand. “Are you going to give me a hint?”

           “Nope. I’m going to lead you to your suitcase…” He took you up the stairs and then let you go in your bedroom, where he’d already gotten your suitcase out. “… and you’re going to pack for approximately eleven days. Bring triple the underwear, because you know why, at least three swimsuits, and your Chacos, and two cute outfits, but mostly functional. We’re going to be walking a lot.”

           “What?” You glared at him. He was just smiling, a shit-eating grin on his face, like he was waiting for you to figure it out. “Are you why Jenna sent me home early?”

           “Maybe. Maybe not. You’ll never know. But we need to leave within the hour, and we’ll be in the car for quite a while, so download some podcasts and music for us to listen to because you’re the DJ.”

           “Have I ever told you how much I hate you?”

           “Yep. Every day, gorgeous.” He cupped your cheeks in his hands, kissed you, and then called Dodger’s name. “Dropping the dog off at Carly’s, I’ll be back in about, eh, half an hour? What snacks do you want?”

           “Uh, the usual road trip snacks?”

           “So combos, sour patch kids, and Chick-Fil-A on the way out of town?”

           “Well, if you’re offering.” He rolled his eyes and left the room. You weren’t going to say no to whatever he had planned, because he wouldn’t have done it if he didn’t think you would need it. So you packed everything he told you to pack, throwing in exactly what he told you to, but you went and grabbed some of his shirts to sleep in just to spite him.

           You finished packing your makeup, because he hadn’t really said anything about that but you just assumed, and shoved the bag in your suitcase. You packed up your personal computer, knowing he would kill you for taking your work computer, and gathered all of your chargers. He was back in a few minutes and you loaded everything into the SUV, grabbing a pillow and your favorite fuzzy blanket like he told you to, and you changed into road trip clothes, also known as shorts and one of Chris’s sweatshirts.

           “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” You asked as he pulled out of the house. He moved the GPS mount to the other vent, by him, so you couldn’t see.

           “Nope. You’re either figuring it out on the road or when we get there. So turn your location off.”

           “Whatever,” you said, showing him that you were turning your maps off. “How long are we driving? It’s almost 9.”

           “We’re driving until sunrise. And then I’m checking into a hotel, we’re sleeping, and then going on.”

           “Why couldn’t we fly?”

           “You would’ve been even more pissed off.”

           “Yeah, you’re not wrong.” You turned on your road trip playlist for about an hour before turning on the true crime podcast you and Chris liked to listen to whenever you got the chance to, which lately wasn’t very often. You fell asleep after a couple of hours and Chris turned on cruise control, since there wasn’t really anyone on the road, pressing the button to adjust it every so often. But for the most part, he was looking over at you and smiling, trying to figure out how the hell he managed to get you there.

           He herded you into a hotel as the sun was coming up, and you were so tired that you didn’t even care where you were. You just passed out on the bed and Chris tucked you in, heading to shower before joining you. When you woke up you checked in on Dodger, FaceTiming him, and then he got the two of you breakfast. You decided that he had to be driving down the coast because you kept seeing signs for beach highways, and that meant you were probably going to the Outer Banks or something like that. You were curious, but you trusted Chris. He wouldn’t take you anywhere he didn’t think was worthy of ten vacation days. You ignored most of the signs, but you determined after looking at freeway signs that you were going south.

           “Can I drive?” You asked, noticing that Chris was getting a little tired. He had moved his left leg a little bit and even though he’d been holding your hand for a few hours, he was getting antsy.

           “Nope. But I am stopping here.” He pulled over at a rest stop for the two of you to go to the bathroom and stretch your legs a little bit, but you were back in the car first. He looked happy as he walked back. He was wearing his gray sweat pants and a t-shirt and his Red Sox hat over the mop of hair that he hadn’t brushed that day. He threw away your food trash and then walked back, noticing you were looking at him.

           “What?” He asked. “If you’re going to keep looking at me like that, let me know and I’ll find another hotel.” You rolled your eyes, elbowing him. He scratched at his beard a little before moving his hand in between your thighs underneath the blanket, gripping your leg with his gigantic hand. He squeezed it three times – I love you – and then let you go so he could drive again.

           You spent most of the night blasting music, mostly bad pop-punk music from your childhoods, and probably listened to most of Blink-182’s discography along with the Top Gun soundtrack and even some Disney soundtracks, before moving back to podcasts. You saw a sign that said welcome to Florida and looked over at him.

           “No fucking way,” you said, suddenly catching on. He was heading toward the middle of Florida, not the coastal highway anymore, which meant you were either going to Orlando or the Keys, and the amount of hours added up to…

           “You okay?” He asked, grinning. “You understand now?”

           “Did you seriously steal my vacation days so we could go to Disney World?” He turned down Creep with his right hand and reached over to anchor his hand at the back of your head before leaning over to kiss your hairline.

           “I did. If you’re okay with that?”

           “Definitely. I love you.”

           “Yeah, I love you too.” It would be the second time you’d gone together, the first time being Disneyland at a Marvel event where he’d asked you to be his date. You usually just drove up to Maine or something for a couple days to relax at the beach, or there was one time when he took you to New York for the weekend to see your favorite show on Broadway.

           You were eager and sitting up as you listened to the last couple of podcast episodes you’d downloaded. Chris drove into the sunrise for another few hours before you finally saw the gates of Disney and you took your phone out, taking a video for your Instagram story. Chris just smiled at the camera, making it known that this was all his doing, and he slowed down. He made you cover your ears for what resort you were staying at, but when he pulled into the Port Orleans resort you realized it was because that was where your family stayed when you were a kid and you always talked about how you loved the French Quarter section. When he led you up to the room you found out that he’d gotten a view of the lake.

           “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” You said as you put your suitcase down.

           “Nah, you don’t need to.” He handed you your magic band from the last time you’d gone together – you hadn’t really gotten a choice since Marvel had sent them to Chris, but when he realized that it Peter Pan on it, who was your favorite Disney character, he’d given it to you while he took the Mickey one.

           “Yeah, I do. I love you.” You hugged him tightly and he just smiled down at you. His beard got caught in your hair and he had to un-tangle it before you could part ways.

           “I love you too. We should probably take a couple showers. Since it’s the smallest I figured we’d hit Magic Kingdom today, eat dinner there, and stay for the fireworks? If you’re not too tired we can stay after hours.”

           “Sounds good.” The two of you hopped in the shower together, mostly just to save time because you were both eager to get to the parks. You grabbed coffee from the shop downstairs and waited for the bus to take you there.

           You spent almost the entire day there, until it was a couple of hours until dinner. You’d both chosen to get on a water ride even though you weren’t dressed for it, so you had to go back and take another shower before then. You decided to dress up a little bit, since he’d told you what restaurant you were going to, and saw him smile as he emerged from the bathroom. You went back out to eat dinner and then he dragged you over to where the fireworks would be, even though they weren’t for half an hour, trying to get the two of you a good spot. He was like a little kid. You were both sitting on one of the fountain edges, sipping at beers, and then the fireworks were starting. You finished your beers and stood up, throwing them away before making your way back to Chris. He stood behind you, guarding you, and put his arms around you from the back, squeezing you into a hug as the music started.

           “Thank you,” you said to him, smiling as you turned to kiss him.

           “It’s the happiest place on Earth, babe.” You laughed and started watching the fireworks. They were over way to soon and you both decided just to turn in. You were exhausted, and you nearly fell asleep on him on the bus ride back to the resort. You took your clothes off, deciding to just deal with your leftover makeup tomorrow, and watched Chris as he got ready for bed.

           “What?” He asked you, looking you up and down. He finished what he was doing and walked over to you, a smile on his face, and pulled you close to him. You could smell his cologne even though he’d taken his clothes off, too. His skin still had a sweaty sheen on it from how hot it was outside, but you didn’t care.

           “I’m going to say something so cheesy you’ll want to punch me in the face.” He chuckled and wrapped his arm around your waist, kissing your neck and your shoulder until they were red.

           “What would that be?”

           “I’m glad you’re here. You’re my happy place. Even if Disney kind of is too.” You had both known you were in it for the long haul awhile ago, but you’d never admitted that to him; that you were never as happy as you were when you were with him. No matter where you were, or what situation you were in.

           “You just had to steal my spotlight, didn’t you?” He said against your skin.

           “Sorry.” He squeezed your body closer, tangling your legs together.

           “No. I don’t know if you noticed, but I’d do anything to make you happy. I love you so much, bubba. And I’m sorry I stole your vacation days.”

           “I love you too. We’ll discuss your punishment for that when I wake up.”

           “Ooh, punishment, I like the sound of that.”

           “We are in Disney World, Chris, get your mind out of the gutter!” The both of you laughed against one another for another few minutes before your conversation shifted to the next day’s plans, and with a final I love you, you were both asleep.

A/N: This is literally my dream so thanks to whoever requested! I loved writing this one so much! 

Taglist (if you’d like to be added, send me a message!): @an-adventureland, @firstangeldragonranch, @ssebstann, @winterreader-nowwriter

[travllingbunny]

The 100 7x11 Etherea

This is the episode we’ve been waiting for this whole season - and while I don’t think it’s the best episode of the season, it is certainly the most exciting one. It would be that just the fact that Bellamy is finally back on screen (and not just for a couple of minutes, but for an entire episode fully focused on him), and it was great to see him and have an episode fully devoted to him, and remember once again what an amazing actor Bob is and the presence and intensity he brings to the show. But it also turned out to be the first episode of season 7 that is a genuine game changer and that shocked the viewers with a twist that wasn’t entirely predictable. 

Even though the fandom had been speculating on the so-called brainwashed Bellamy or “void Bellamy” or generally Bellamy that is for some reason the (temporary) enemy of Clarke, Octavia and the rest of the protagonists, and hoping for that storyline, with a Mockingjay-like possibilities for romantic angst between him and Clarke (especially after a photo of Bellamy in the white robe leaked early in the year, months before the season even started to air), the way it happened seems to have upset many of the fans )to quote a podcaster, “I was hoping for a brainwashed Bellamy, but not like this”). Probably because the show has Bellamy retain agency in his transformation and that it is indoctrination into a cult be more like real life and partially rooted in Bellamy’s own emotional issues, beliefs and needs, rather than taking the easier route of having him be Sci-Fi brainwashed, Winter Soldier style.

That said, I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about this episode and how good I think it is. The first half of the episode, Bellamy was very much himself, and it was focused on survival and trying to get off the planet,  and the dynamic between him and Conductor Doucette - throughout the episode - seems to play into the familiar trope of two enemies, or people of opposing views, who have to spend time together, gets to argue, survive together, and eventually bond as fellow humans. This story would not be particularly interesting - not only have we seen it many times, but it feels redundant for Bellamy, who has learned to see the POV of his enemies, bond with them and see the common humanity in them, many seasons ago. It also would not have been interesting if Bellamy managed to change Doucette’s beliefs - which the audience already thinks are rubbish - as this wouldn’t tell us anything new about Bellamy and would only give development to Doucette. 

But instead, what was really happening throughout this episode, under the guise of bonding with the enemy, was Bellamy’s spiritual journey - aka his indoctrination into Cadogan’s cult. The crucial part of it happens not just to his exhaustion and desperation in tough circumstances, or his companion offering him faith as a solution, but through something Bellamy actually sees in the cave, and his own visions a little later.  This is where the episode becomes a lot more interesting - and also a lot more frustrating.  I don’t think I’ll be sure how I feel about this until I see the rest of the season, and learn how some things from this episode are explained or followed up on. In particular, the explanation (or lack of it?) for Bellamy’s visions in this episode will pretty much determine what course the show is taking in its final season and what it is trying to be.

Whatever the explanation, the end result - which we see after Bellamy returns to Bardo - is disturbing and painful to watch. It is something we have never seen before - Bellamy himself trying to enforce a total abnegation of everything Bellamy Blake is. Which includes willingly repressing his feelings for his loved ones to the point of betraying them (and results in the most painful Bellarke reunion ever, and one of the most painful reunions of the Blake siblings). I don’t know if I’m fully buying such a huge transformation - which is one of my problems with the episode. But this is certainly quality angst, and means that the season has become much more exciting to watch.

Is it weird that such a big twist happens in episode 11, out of 16 episodes, after 10 episodes that have been mostly setup for the big plot? Yes, just like it is weird that Bellamy has been MIA before this. BTS reasons obviously affected this season a lot - if it hadn’t been for them, I think we’d have a similar storyline, but this would have happened much earlier in the season. Are 5 episodes enough to resolve this in a satisfactory way? Well, it’s certainly enough to resolve it - this is a show that has characters go from hate to love over the course of 5 episodes, has characters hook up/fall for each other after knowing each other for 2-3 episodes, the show that showed Hope’s entire 10-year relationship with her father figure in a 7 minute scene, and the show that just had this massive character transformation happen over one episode. Will it feel satisfactory and convincing - it could, if it’s well-written and if the show doesn’t waste too much time on the Sanctum plot and fully focuses on its two main characters now that one of them is finally back.

Starting from the beginning - this time, its Bob saying “Previously on”, in line with this season having different cast members saying those opening words in different episodes (Eliza in 7x01, Marie in 7x02, Luisa in 7x03, there was no previously on in 7x04, Marie in 7x05, Lindsey in 7x06, Richard in 7x07, no previously on in 7x08, Eliza in 7x09 and 7x10 - it’s a bit surprising that Eliza said it in episode 9 even though she wasn’t in it at all, but otherwise those fit characters that were strongly featured in the episode in question).

We also get yet another version of the opening titles - which start and finish with a shot of the Anomaly. Earth again makes a cameo near the end, just as it did in 7x10, though it’s in the shadow now so can’t be seen as clearly. 

While 90% of the episode takes place on Etherea, it opens and ends on Bardo. The opening scene is the only one not featuring Bellamy - apart from a replayed memory. We learn that the MCap machine was damaged by Echo, and is only now operational again. Finally, a good explanation why the Disciples did not put Echo, Diyoza or Octavia - again - in MCap after they agreed to cooperate. Levitt is using it on one of the Disciples who were in the Stone Room during the explosion. I guess he was still recovering a week after, and now they are presumably trying to help him, since - as the other Conductor tells Levitt - he is suffering from PTSD. Hey, isn’t that the first time anyone has mentioned that word on the show? At least the Disciples have kept the knowledge about mental health issues, even if their ways of dealing with it are questionable at best. We learn that no one is being punished, not even for killing Anders, as the other conductor says. (Not even? Does she think that’s worse than attempted genocide? Hope didn’t even back down from it as Echo eventually did, and the two Disciples Anders called witnessed it. The Conductor may think that the consequence is more important than intent... But even so, she clearly thinks Anders’ life was more important than those of two other Disciples, who were murdered by Echo as a part of her torturing Levitt. I guess that “For all mankind” thing doesn’t mean you consider all of the people, or even all of the Disciples, equal...)

Levitt finds out what 99% of the audience was sure of anyway and goes “He’s alive!” Surprise, surprise. But Levitt, shouldn’t you say “They are alive?”? Knowing Levitt’s attachment to Octavia, he is talking about Bellamy, not about one of his colleagues, Conductor Doucette, who was also presumed dead. (Doucette, not Douchette - even though the latter would make for a good joke.)

Let’s think about why this scene exists (apart from being used as a sneak peek). Obviously it was full of exposition, but why was it important for Levitt to find out that Bellamy is alive at the same time as we learn about it? We could have just seen Bellamy falling through the Bridge to the planet of Etherea. I suppose the purpose is dual: 1) to learn that the Disciples indeed did not know Bellamy was alive and on Etherea, 2) to learn that Cadogan knew Bellamy was alive an on Etherea, at least a few hours to a day before his return, which may be important for the events of this episode.

One of the questions the fandom has been debating is, did Anders intentionally send Bellamy to Etherea to be indoctrinated? Since 7x05, I have believed that Bellamy was on Etherea, and my initial reading of the scene was that Anders made the decision to send him there - and that this was why Doucette started to beg him: “Please, sir, no”, as he wasn’t happy to be stranded there. Then I started second-guessing it, because it became increasingly obvious that Anders was dumb as a brick and unable to come up with any smart plans how to brainwash people (as we saw with HEDO - he just threatened them into compliance instead of trying to really change their minds). Now I think that sending people to Etherea may be a standard practice that Disciples do on very special occasions when they want to send someone on a spiritual journey/pilgrimage/true brainwashing that they can’t come back until they make a ‘leap of faith” (just like they use Skyring as a standard prison). Maybe this is not even something that most Disciples know, but info only reserved for Level 12s or even Level 13s. But the grenade attack was real and made Anders believe Bellamy was dead and the plan was off - as there is no reason to believe that anything before Bellamy’s last day in the cave was manipulated from Bardo.

However, that last day - with Bellamy’s visions - could have been, and it happened around the same time Cadogan would have found out from Levitt that Bellamy was alive and on Etherea. There seems to be no time differential (or too small a differential to matter) between Etherea and Bardo - just like there seems to be none between Earth and Sanctum, since Bellamy and Doucette retained their memories going from Bardo to Etherea and back, both times without a protective helmet.

Etherea, the planet

The promo for this episode made the planet look much worse and less survivable than it really seems to be. Apart from the grey filter* that the show is using to make it look worse and kind of drab and gloomy, it seems to be a perfectly nice planet, with vegetation and an OK climate - as long as you are not trying to get off the planet through the Anomaly and climbing the extremely high mountain to reach the Anomaly Stone. It’s funny that, aside from Nakara, every other planet connected by the Anomaly has better living conditions than Bardo. The Disciples obviously use Bardo just because of the facilities they’ve found there. But Skyring is a really lovely planet - its only problem is the time differential from the other habitable planets, but that would not be a problem if a big group of people just decided to live there and start a community. Sanctum is lovely, too - well, except for red sun toxin and killer insects and meat-eating trees. (Why have the Disciples mostly ignored it? Is it because of those things, or maybe they didn’t want to mix with the Primes and other Sanctumites? Or they just didn’t see a use for it?) And Etherea is another problem where people could decide to live, if they gave up going to other planets.

*The show uses different filters to make the woods around Vancouver look like different planets:  

Sanctum - bright colors, lots of red during day, purple at night 

Skyring - blue filter (nice planet) 

Nakara - blue filter (frozen planet) 

Etherea - grey filter 

Earth - normal, except in S5 everywhere outside Eden - greyish yellow filter for a desolated post-Praimfaya Earth

But of course, Bellamy is definitely not interested in staying there and only wants to find a way off this planet, and Doucette, unlike Orlando, is neither serving a sentence he wants to see to the end nor is expecting the Disciples to send a team to retrieve him. This is another one of the “just two three four people on the planet” episodes, but this stay is just a few months rather than years, and spent in much harsher and most exhausting conditions during most of that time - because Bellamy never stops trying to get off the planet. There are parallels and strong contrasts to every one of those other situations:

Eden -  The first few months of Clarke’s experience surviving on the desolated Earth parallel Bellamy’s months on the mountain - surviving in tough conditions (extreme heat in Clarke’s case vs extreme cold in Bellamy’s), physically and mentally exhausted to the point of breaking. There are even visually parallel shots of both of them walking with a stick or eating bugs. But the big differences are: after trying and failing to get in the bunker and after the Temple collapsed, Clarke had no way of getting off the planet or out of her current situation and reuniting with any of her loved ones. She could only survive and wait. She was all alone and only talking to Bellamy, who wasn’t there, to keep herself sane. Bellamy, OTOH, was actively trying to get off the planet and reach his loved ones all that time, and he had a companion - another adult with strong beliefs, who he talked to and who did his best to indoctrinate him. After those first few months, Clarke found Eden and met Madi, and the rest of her (mostly off-screen) life on Earth during the next 6 years was much more similar to Octavia’s life with Diyoza and Hope on Skyring. 

The Garden - Unlike Bellamy, Octavia lived in a beautiful place and with someone who was already her friend and a child she came to look after, finding family she loved (rather than faith and abstract “love for all mankind”). Like Bellamy, Octavia kept trying to get off the planet and reach her sibling and her friends, which was equally difficult for a different reason, as the Anomaly entrance was deep under water (unlike Bellamy, she wouldn’t have actually able to leave the planet as she didn’t have a Conductor or codes for the Stone - but she didn’t know she needed them) - for 6 years, before she eventually gave up and settled for her peaceful life for the next 4 years and sending Bellamy a letter.

Hesperides - Like Bellamy, Echo, Gabriel and Hope wanted to get off the planet and reach their friends/family, but unlike Bellamy, they couldn’t get the codes and had to wait for 5 years, and, unlike him, they lived in lovely place. Like Bellamy, they had a devout Disciple as a companion,  but there were three of them, which made it more difficult for him to indoctrinate them, no matter how much he wanted to make them Disciples, and they were the ones trying to manipulate him. They developed a friendship with him, as Bellamy did with Doucette, but while Bellamy saved Doucette when he didn’t have to anymore, Echo betrayed him and left him as expendable, and the other two eventually went along with it.

But Etherea is not just another planet for the Disciples - it is notable for what can be found in a cave on the way to the top of the mountain, which Cadogan apparently looked for and found, as a part of his pilgrimage - his own “40 days in a desert” - because, of course, he sees himself as a messiah (and, as we saw in 7x09, this is an important thing in the Bardo religion and something children are taught about in school). 

Bellamy immediately learns all about Cadogan’s teachings - everything the rest of the characters took several episodes to learn about - by reading his book (”pocket propaganda from another false god”) and immediately pokes holes in it. He makes all the good points and lists most of the reasons why the Disciple faith makes no sense, including the fact that it makes no sense to be fighting for peace and end of violence by waging another war. Everything he says in the first half of the episode are things I would completely agree with. Which makes it all the more frustrating when he starts ignoring his own reasonable arguments by the end of this episode. One might say that the Disciple propaganda attacks both his heart - using his desire to find peace, an end to all the struggle and pain, and eventually, his love and memory of his mother, to ignore what his head is telling him - but they also eventually attack his head, by presenting what seems like actual physical evidence, and the end result is to ignore not just the rational objections he had, but also try to suppress his love for the most important individual people in his life.

He lists the people he loves - “Octavia, Echo, Clarke” - which is the first time Bellamy himself has used the word love for the latter two (and in fact, for anyone other than Octavia). BTW, notice that no one in the show has ever used the word “girlfriend/boyfriend” except Diyoza (when this was what she assumed Clarke was to Bellamy)? Maybe these words have fallen out of use in the post-apocalypse societies. The main characters usually talk about their “friends” or “family” (the latter not always being biological). Doucette later talks of "your family, your friends” and “your obsession with your sister and your friends” - where Echo and Clarke are both lumped into this category. Echo is not singled out as “your girlfriend” or in any other way.

Here’s the thing about Bellamy’s and Doucette’s dynamic: if this story wasn’t really about indoctrinating Bellamy, there really wouldn’t be anything there we didn’t know about Bellamy before. Of course he wouldn’t kill this random Disciple guy if he didn’t have to - and, in spite of what he tells Doucette at the start, it’s not just because he needed him to survive. Bellamy learning to see the humanity of his enemies and working with them and bonding with them is something we have seen many times: at first with Clarke, then with Lincoln, Indra, the Grounders, Kane, Echo. All the way back in season 2, he valued human lives, even from the enemy side: he opposed Murphy’s idea of killing the captive Grounder thief (while Finn summarily killed him), he angrily said he’d kill everyone in Mount Weather but then tried his best for that not to happen, after seeing the children there; even during his Pike-supporting days, he tried to persuade Pike and the others to spare the wounded Grounder warriors, in season 4 he talked Riley down from trying to assassinate Roan, and in season 5, he refused to kill the cryo frozen Eligius prisoners, and later convinced Madi to spare the Eligius convicts who were their PoW. And while Bellamy has been motivated, most of all, by personal love (particularly for his sister and Clarke), we’ve seen him save many people, including strangers or near strangers. That speech Doucette gave him about “loving all mankind” is something season 1 Bellamy needed to hear, the one who was focused just on Octavia and then just on her and the Delinquents, but Bellamy has had a massive character development since. Bellamy knows more about loving all mankind than Doucette or any of the Disciples do. Doucette says he “loves all mankind” including a total stranger - well, dude, didn’t you try to kill Bellamy at first? And the rest of what we’ve seen from Disciples is much worse. They talked the talk, but don’t walk the walk, unless they think kidnapping and torturing people and trying to break their spirit is “love”, And Anders definitely showed that he did not “love all the mankind” when he ordered a hit on Hope, or when he gave that speech in 7x10 about what disgusting “wild beats” all these non-Disciples were.

But unlike Anders, Doucette can talk in a convincing way and make decent arguments in favor of his faith to non-believers, rather than just preaching to the converted - or at least, he can appear to give decent arguments. He’s taking a page from The 100 fandom with the argument that Bellamy is so selfish and egotistical for... loving his sister and his friends and constantly fighting and sacrificing himself for them. (The 100 fandom loves making that same argument about Clarke.) Quite a skill, to make such BS argument sound convincing. He basically gives Bellamy a version of the “Love is weakness” advice - in this case, that “love is selfish” and leads to destruction and pain. And when Bellamy asks the rhetorical question, if that means that you shouldn’t love anyone -  Doucette turns it around and talks of love for all mankind. But that “love” he speaks of is abstract and fake - it is impossible to love everyone. You cannot love total strangers, or people you simply don’t like - certainly not the same as you love your lover or friend or family member. You can, however, be compassionate, and value human lives,.Which is, in fact, something the Disciples don’t do, as we’ve seen on Bardo (but Bellamy has not seen it yet) - they just value lives as more soldiers for the cause. Their “humanity” is abstract - they are ready to sacrifice individuals for it (everyone except the Shepherd). Bellamy, on the other hand, has always been about valuing individual lives and saving them - be it Mel on season 2, or the slaves in season  - and he managed to do it while also loving his sister and his friends. The Disciples and Doucette’s arguments present a false dichotomy. But, unfortunately, Bellamy still has deep guilt and self-loathing that he never fully resolved (even in season 6, he still talked about his many sins in 6x04), and he’s tired by always having to fight another war for survival, just to followed by another. (Which is similar to Clarke’s misgivings in 7x03: “I’m afraid that fighting is not what we do, it’s what we are” and Raven’s and Clarke’s conversation about guilt over having killed so many people.) The only time he didn’t have to always worry and/or fight were the years on the Ring, but he was still grieving Clarke and missing Octavia and motivated by going back down to reunite with her  He knows what he’s capable of doing out of love - and he also has unresolved issues with the women he loves. In season 4, he lamented how pathetic he was coming back to his sister when she kept treating him badly, and in the 7x07 Ring flashback, he thought his love for his sister was his “weakness”. He’s certainly been hurt by her, finally rejected her and then later got to reunite with her, get an apology and forgive and make up with her. He and Clarke have also certainly hurt each other and forgiven each other, and that relationship is still unresolved. Bellamy himself admitted to Jo!Clarke in 6x09 that he was exhausted by their ups and downs and lack of resolution. And Echo... well, he should know exactly where he stands with her, but he didn’t seem happy about their relationship and seemed to want her to be Clarke someone else.

I can see why Bellamy started to envy Doucette his emotional calm that his faith and worldview seemed to bring him.

We got another Pike mention in this ep (and again, it was a reference to his positive role - as a teacher of Earth skills). The last time Bellamy made it was in 6x07 when he found out Clarke was alive. Pike was also a father figure to Bellamy - just like Kane, and now Cadogan. Bellamy has been called both a King and a Knight. Some of his biggest mistakes were when he chose to trust in a leader/father figure (the last time, it was Pike - who was, however, very different from Cadogan and his views on the opposite side the spectrum from Bill’s), and ALIE!Raven thought that one of the ways she could try to taunt him and erode his confidence was to call him a follower rather than a leader. Only she tried to convince him that he was in subjugated position to Clarke - which IMO was never true. They have always had an equal relationship (except when external circumstances made it otherwise - see, Kane and the adults taking the power away from Bellamy, while Clarke was able to take it back from Abby mostly because she was backed up by the Grounder Commander), and Clarke was the one who always tried to boost Bellamy’s confidence in his abilities as a leader. He was definitely a leader of his people in season 5 and season 6, and he works best as co-leader with Clarke (and vice versa). But even when Bellamy supported Clarke, he was questioning his decisions, even though he was rarely able to change Pike’s mind - he wasn’t blindly obeying and accepting everything, as he would have to with the Disciples.

Another factor in Bellamy’s transformation is of course the fact that he spent months in the cave - to the point of physical and mental exhaustion. Every time he and Doucette would climb the mountain, the peak where the Stone was would turn out to be even higher. Bellamy himself used two of the Greek myths to describe the task - Sisyphus and Icarus. A pointless task that results in having to do everything all over again (just like what he said about having to always fight another war), and a dangerous task likely to destroy you.

Bellamy was still insisting on reason over faith - “I believe in what I can prove” - but then he got to see the beings of light, as “proof”..

And here we come to the more interesting part of this ep and something that the show may or may not explain. I’m pretty skeptical about Cadogan’s views of what these beings are. How do we know that they have really “transcended” and become eternal or whatever, living on some kind of higher plane? No one has communicated with them, or have they? They are aliens, from our POV. Maybe that’s their natural state?  Maybe they’re dead and this is just what remains of them? Maybe they died in a similar catastrophe as the Bardoans but one that was more about fire than ice, as Selina hypothesized in her review)? Maybe they are in agony?  Sure, they look beautiful to human eyes, and fit the human culture’s idea of what spirituality and transcendence is like - but you can’t know that for sure. The frozen crystal giants on Bardo also look beautiful, after all, and that entire species died horribly

And then the second “otherworldly” thing happens after Bellamy finally agreed to prey - and he has a vision, involving Cadogan as his spiritual guide, leading him from a place full of weapons - swords and guns - to the place where he sees his dead mother, Aurora. It’s a beautiful and emotional scene, and I can’t imagine all the things Bellamy is feeling as she touches his face - including, probably, more unresolved guilt - over getting his mother executed (because he loved his sister and tried to make her happy). Aurora tells him Go to the light, Bellamy” and he looks at the figures of light -  but we don’t learn what, if anything, he saw there .

I hope we learn that Bellamy saw something important - maybe something connected to the Judgment Day Becca talked about - that would explain the extent of his conversion, although it seems that it is mostly supposed to be a consequence of the fact that the storm stopped at the moment when he chose to prey. 

The final step in his ‘spiritual journey’ is after that, when he barely managed to reach the top. After repeating the mantra “I am not afraid” (something else from the Blakes’ childhood - the same line Octavia was repeating on Bardo to resist the Conductors), he admits to himself “I am afraid”. In retrospect, a sign that he was broken, and started feeling that his past and his family were not enough to give him strength and faith. The jump from the top was described as a “leap of faith” by Doucette - which is kind of ridiculous, since it had nothing to do with faith, just with the fact that Cadogan was there and knew how the Anomaly worked, and the fact he was able to climb the mountain and leave is proof that the Anomaly worked properly. 

(I wonder why the heck the Anomaly works so differently on different planets - in some cases you can enter the Anomaly right next to the Stone when you’re leaving the planet, and in others, you have to go back to the original entrance that’s somewhere else.)

Now, the visions may be explained in several different ways:

hallucinations - earlier, Bellamy found a family photo and recognized Cadogan, and he would know how Conductors and high ranking Disciples dress, he’s seen the white robe on Anders and Doucette

everything in the cave is real, and Cadogan has some sort of a telepathic connection to the cave (the true believer’s interpretation)

the brain implant/hive mind theory (by Selina again - I don’t believe in this one as there has been no evidence of it so far)

projections/hologram - see Jean’s theory that Cadogan used the hologram technology to project images of himself and Aurora (whose image is familiar to the Disciples from Octavia’s memories)

a combination of some of the above - the beings of light may be real, and Cadogan may have stumbled onto something but has again misinterpreted what it was all about; Bellamy’s vision of Cadogan was a hallucination or projection, but he also did see something real when his mother (again, possible hallucination or unexplained spiritual phenomenon) told him to look into the light.

It’s possible that the show will never fully explain what really happened here, just as Murphy’s vision of hell has never been explained.

The reunion

Up until this point, the episode doesn’t seem to show a seriously disturbing turn in Bellamy: we saw that he was starting to take the Disciples’ faith seriously and even to believe in it, and the first thing he does when turning up in the Stone Room on Bardo is look happy and relieved he made it, and hug an equally happy Doucette. So, he made a friend among the Disciples and will be the one telling Clarke and the rest: “We should take this seriously, they have a point, here is what I saw on Etherea...” - right? That would make perfect sense while not fundamentally changing who Bellamy is.

But no! Bellamy falls to his knees and calls Cadogan “My Shepherd” - which was one of the most painful scenes for me to see in all of the show, even more so than the later scene where he snitches on Clarke. There’s been a lot this season about “kings” forcing subjects to kneel - but instead of the “kneel or die” approach that Anders more or less used (while Sheidheda is using it in the most literal way possible), this is out of genuine belief. I  don’t know if I’m really buying this massive transformation that we see here and in the next scene. It’s just a bit too much. Maybe information about what it was that Belalmy saw when he went ‘into the light’ would help explain it better.

Cadogan is happy to use Bellamy to convince Clarke to cooperate, and informs him: “Your friends are here, they have gotten themselves in some trouble”. Maybe this adds up to the reason why Bellamy is uncomfortable when he sees them a bit later, because they’ve been bad - but only some of them were (Echo with her murders, torture and genocide attempt, the others - not really, except Hope, someone he doesn’t even know yet). But when he comes to see them, he looks broken, exhausted and numb after all his experiences. And probably wary of giving in to the “selfish love”. (His friendship with Doucette is presumably in line with his new faith, but he seems to think his friendship with Clarke is not? Is that his relationship with Clarke actually involves love, real love for an individual?) After finally reuniting with the people he had been trying to reach all that time on Etherea, he doesn’t even look happy to see them. To quote Bellamy from earlier in the episode,Sometimes, Bellamy Blake, irony is funny. This is not one of these times.

Meanwhile, his friends are in Cadogan’s living quarters in house arrest. Conveniently, it’s just Clarke, Echo and Octavia there - plus Gabriel, but the focus is on Bellamy’s reunions with the three women he named as the people he loved earlier in the episode. Raven is not there, neither are Miller, Jordan, Niylah or Hope. (The last time Bellamy saw Jordan, Jordan was the brainwashed one. Hey, what happened to that storyline? Did it end up as a casualty of the rewrites?)

They’re discussing what to do, and Clarke has decided to basically sacrifice her life so the others could escape. We know that Clarke is a very selfless person, but  the way she’s been increasingly casually deciding to sacrifice herself feels a bit disturbing - as if she’s stopped caring about her own life or hoping for happiness. At this point, her big character development would be to choose happiness and try to have what she wants. Even her “selfish” actions up to this point were mostly about trying to protect others. We haven’t even seen her show much emotion this season - as if she was on autopilot - except for her early grieving Abby earlier in the season, and moments when she’s silently grieving Bellamy, 

Cadogan is there to offer the carrot rather than the stick, and being a drama queen, doesn’t Clarke and the others that Bellamy is there, but lets him in. They are massively surprised but don’t notice something’s off, or rather, they seem to assume he is just physically exhausted and in pain rather than mentally/emotionally off, as he silently looks at Clarke and Octavia and then Echo. Camera shows close-ups of the reactions of the people who love him: Clarke’s, Echo’s and Octavia’s reactions before going back to Clarke. (Probably because she’s the main character, in case people have forgotten, and her relationship with Bellamy is at center of the show), Octavia is happy and proud tries to hug her brother, but the Disciples pull out weapons. Clarke ignores the weapons, counting on her status/leverage, and hugs him. 

She looks lovingly at him, with something we haven’t seen from her in a long time - happiness, that’s definitely not “best friend that I’m not attracted to” but “best friend I have naughty thoughts about”. (Only love can make you hug someone who must be smelling really badly at this point, considering Bellamy hasn’t washed or changed his clothes in over 3 months!)

This hug is different from any other Bellarke hug ever, since Bellamy is so numb, even when he hugs her back, but she is too happy to see him back to notice.  And then when she takes the chance to also get him up to speed and tell him about the Flame - he gets an incredibly sad look on his face. He is not unemotional now - but he has decided he must ignore and suppress those feelings, betray her trust and tell Cadogan the truth, because his faith and the so-called “love for all mankind” comes first.

Everyone is shocked when he calls Cadogan “My Shepherd” and then beyond shocked when he betrays them - and camera again shows Echo’s, Octavia’s and Clarke’s reactions, going back to Cadogan, and then the episode ends on a close-up of Clarke’s shocked face. Because, you know, she’s still the main character. And finally, now we can hopefully have a S7 storyline that properly focuses on the show’s protagonist and utilizes Eliza’s talent allowing her to show a range of emotions. When Clarke believed Bellamy was dead, he was someone she could hold in her memory and try to honor it by saving his sister and girlfriend - but this is a whole new way of losing him, right after thinking she got him back, and means real emotional turmoil.

Bellamy has become a true believer and decided to stop being himself. And the people who love him will now have to deal with his loss - in another way - all over again, and try to save him. I’m torn because this storyline offers huge opportunities for a “power of love” storyline right out of a fanfic, but I’m uncomfortable with the idea that it may come at the expense of having Bellamy be manipulated and subjugated to a white megalomaniac villain in the last season. But I hope and expect we will see genuine character development and re-affirmation of who Bellamy Blake is. Now, there are a lot of things Bellamy doesn’t know yet and that have contributed to him drinking Cadogan’s Kool-Aid (he hasn’t seen Cadogan’s dealings with his family or Second Dawn, or what he did to Becca, or Anders’ actions on Bardo, or the way the Disciples mistreat their own people, and he doesn’t know about Cadogan’s mistranslation of the Bardoan text), but I don’t think the resolution of this storyline will be about Cadogan or what Bellamy knows about his religion. I think it will be Bellamy himself and his relationships. Clarke and Octavia had big character arcs in season 5-6 where they had to deal with who they are, who they’ve become and what they want to be negating everything he is. He needs to finally really deal with his self-loathing and guilt and he needs to gain back trust in himself, the Bellamy Blake that others loved and trusted and relied on. He needs to feel loved and decide that love is strength and a positive rather than just ‘selfish’ force. (And who can show him that? Hint: not his girlfriend Echo, whose love he would definitely see as confirmation that love is selfish and destructive, as it makes a person do things like murder, torture and attempted genocide out of revenge. Another hint: probably the same person who gave him confidence and made him believe in himself and grow as a person, multiple times, all the way back in season 1 and again in season 3 and season 4, telling him he was a person that other follow because of his big heart and the way he can inspire people. And third hint - the same person Bellamy was saving - her physical self - in season 6, will be the one who’ll have to save him, mentally, save who he is., in season 7.)

Rating: 8/10 (could go higher or lower depending on how the cave visions are explained and what the outcome of this plot is)

[permanentconundrum]

9/26/21

8:31am Woke up after a couple dreams. I’m going to watch church from home this morning, I’m still not ready to go in person. Feeling a little anxious about just watching online but still looking forward to it. I did the quick breathing exercise through Headspace this morning and it was alright. I also watched the beginning of the video called the wake up and it was about mindfully using technology. The action I made after watching was to turn off notifications for some apps, like Facebook. I’ll look forward to their Sunday Scaries podcast today.

8:38am I’ve been enjoying and seeing benefits from breathing exercises. I think it helps me relax and practice mindfulness. Mindfulness can help me manage stress and anxiety and learn self awareness about how I think. I’m learning to study how it feels to breathe. I might come back to thinking about this

8:43 am going to turn on Sirius XMU. Tenderness by Jay Som was on when I turned on the radio. I find this radio station to be nice to listen to because the DJs are chill and interesting and know their music. Don’t mean to turn this into an ad, but it’s ok, this is just a journal entry. Calling this an ad is a bit excessive, just noting that I found a radio station I like.

8:50am Kind of looking forward to the day. Momentarily felt a bit stressed out. Journaling does help. I kind of want to learn more about the benefits of journaling so I can better make use of the practice. I currently mainly use it to catalog my thoughts, but it would be nice to dig deeper into stuff and maybe find some material for art.

8:55am I can tell I’m conscious that I’ll be posting this online. I kind of wish that wasn’t the case and I could just share my thoughts but it’s ok, it’s a learning experience to share like this. Anyway, it’s time to get set up for church online.

12:05pm Ate some leftover pizza this noon, I was hungry but now I feel better. Bible class after church should be interesting this year, about the book of Revelation. I’ll be interested to learn about it.

Started listening to XMU again just now, a good Sunday activity. I’m going to try reading Refuse by Julian Randall. I’ve been looking forward to reading it but expect it to be kind of intense. Thinking about going to get a coffee in Minneapolis before the Vikings game. We’ll see what happens, I have chores to do too.

12:44pm Read a few poems from the beginning of the book. I put it down and am still listening to the radio. Clairo is on, the song Sophia. It’s kind of an intense book and I wasn’t really feeling affected by it very fully, but maybe I don’t have to in the first reading. Yeah, I really like listening to the radio as a Sunday activity, I find it relaxing. Texting my mom now. She’s preparing for teachers conference today and going to watch the Vikings play. She reminded me of exercise and going to the gym. That would be a good self-care practice too. Maybe I’ll go for a walk. I think I’ve decided I’ll go into Minneapolis for that coffee before the game. Now listening to Rae Street by Courtney Barnett. I like the song.

3:55pm watching the Vikings game and it’s on commercial. I did end up getting coffee in Minneapolis. Feeling a little tired. I should do some chores while I watch.

7:23pm While watching the game, I did a few chores which was productive. I also went on my phone during the game and explored the Headspace app. One thing I did was learn about chronotypes. It is defined in your DNA and determines your best schedule for productivity throughout the day. I am a bear which is the most common of four types. I could still learn more about what it actually means. It is mainly related to a sleeping and eating schedule. I’ll get the name of the guy who talked about this in a book I haven’t read called the Power of When. The guy is Dr. Michael Breus for what it’s worth. Kind of interesting to me. Related is my experience trying to be more mindful about how I have settings in my phone. I took off notifications for a few apps including Facebook which has been nice. I haven’t cared about Facebook alerts in quite a while. Related to Headspace, I also listened to the Sunday Scaries podcast episode from today. It’s a short podcast with a short breathing exercise and helpful tips for the coming week. This time was an introduction basically to the work I’ve been doing using the app for working through anxiety. It’s just the start, but it’s encouraging to think about how far I’ve come in that Headspace program. I still have a ways to go to get mindfulness to help even more with anxiety, and using breathing exercises as well.

One other thing I did during the game was start shopping for a car which is not a task I enjoy really. It’ll be fun to update my ride lol but also used car prices have risen and it’s uncertain if they’ll go back down. I’ll try to keep looking regularly for several weeks.

Listening to the radio again while journaling. That thought interrupted my line of thinking about the Headspace app, and I’m trying to navigate how much of this journaling will be stream of consciousness. Sometimes my thoughts can get somewhat scatterbrained which isn’t helpful for a blog. Normally in my private journal I let the thoughts be scatterbrained because that is true stream of consciousness and it’s fun to see how the stream of consciousness works. I think I’ll experiment with and without editing related thoughts together in different posts and see what feels better. I found the need to organize placement of topics here a bit, while maintaining integrity of the writing for the most part.

Lying in my bed rn and journaling on my phone. That’s my normal setup. This song by PJ Harvey is kind of hot lol. It’s called Rid of Me. Self conscious that I’m basically an ad for this radio station but also the songs in this blog post could be a decent playlist so there’s that. On that note I’m excited to listen to the new collaborative album between Sufjan Stevens and Angelo de Augustine. I like what I’ve heard by way of introduction so far.

I went for a walk after the Vikings’ win. It was nice getting outside. I momentarily felt anxious about the coming week, but remembered to return my focus to the present moment which helped. It is now 8:00 so I’ve been at this a while.

8:50 My phone died so I took the opportunity to watch CNBC Street Signs (Asia) and fold clothes, I was surprised by my energy to do a chore. After I finished that, I realized it wouldn’t take long to clean the bathroom so I did most of that quickly too. Quite pleased I could get those things done. I also got laundry done today too, so pretty productive. Cleaning your space can be part of self care, so it’s good to do that. Exercise is part of it as well, so it’s good I got a walk.

9:02pm I should do the next Headspace exercise. They have been relaxing this past week.

9:24pm I finished the tenth and last session in part two of the course on managing anxiety. I do feel a sense of accomplishment even though it took a while to get through it. I was consistent in the last week or so and the sessions went well. I’m looking forward to the next ten sessions. They’ll talk about framing the exercise to get the most out of it.I think I’m going to leave it here and watch some of the Circle on Netflix which is a show that makes me laugh. I didn’t do much more with art/poetry today but I managed to stay in the present moment pretty well and not worry about the coming week. I hope any readers have a good night and start to the week.